Corrupt-A-Wish

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, you now have a custom made PC of exceedingly fine craftsmanship. A lot more work, money and care went into designing this one than your current computer, it was fined tuned to be used at the maximum of its capability.
It's an old rig running Linux built to be amazing managing database, it's clearly better made than any puny market computer of today which make it sad that nobody is interested to buy one since only a professional computer engineer could use it.
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I wish the universe followed the Theory of Narrative Causality.

[dburgdorf]

I wish the universe followed the Theory of Narrative Causality.

Granted. The guiding principle of the universe is now that things happen because the plot requires them to. Sadly for you, you haven't been cast by the universe as a hero, or as a plucky comic relief sidekick. Neither are you a villain. You're a "red shirt" guy whose tragic death will spur a hero on to ultimate victory.

I wish that rainbows really did have physical ends at which pots of gold could be found.

[AllenWL]

Wish granted, rainbows now obtain physical ends with pots of gold.
However, because rainbows are actually light reflected off water droplets, in order to give rainbows a physical end, all light becomes very solid, and because light is a form of electromagnetic waves, all electromagnetic waves become solid as well. All of humanity are subsequently caught by the huge amount of solid electromagnetic waves moving about and promptly crushed between them.

I wish I could order deep-fried chicken on a airplane.

[mabor0shi]

I wish I could order deep-fried chicken on a airplane.

granted

Chicken is now deep-fried on most airlines. There are frequent injuries and occasional casualties due to turbulence + boiling oil. Also, they use KFC's shitty recipes, because Yum! Brands, Inc. has an exclusive deal. Somehow the chicken is even worse on planes than in KFC, because this is how airplanes work. No food can taste as good on a plane. What's the deal with that?

I wish my mod was the most popular and people (including Tynan) thanked me often for making it.

[Kegereneku]

Granted, a lot of people get sudden urge to use BRIGHT COLORED BRICK at any occasion possible, this mod is so frequently used that all screenshot online feature those shiny brick that DO NOT MIX AT ALL with the original Rimworld gritty colors scheme.
People start calling Rimworld "RimCraft" because of its similarity with Minecraft bright cube.
In fact people stopped playing the game in survival, only in a new creative mod to see colonist build shiny wall non stop.
After considerable use of recreative drugs (to ease the pain) Tynan thank you, he now realize how much money he can make just selling Color DLC with no gameplay improvement.
(seriously, I would add the equivalent of 6 more levels of darkened color to your mod and remove one line every two as redundant)

I wish many birds where as intelligent and easy to tame than dogs

[Circledline]

I wish many birds where as intelligent and easy to tame than dogs

Granted. Most birds are now intelligent and can be trained as household pets, but due to their intelligence they now rebel against humans for their consumption of duck, goose, chicken, turkey, and various other bird meats. They attack humans whom they see eat bird meat and PETA now works with them to overthrow the government and abolish all non-vegan products. All of humanity breaks out into a global civil war. If humans emerge victorious then most bird on planet earth will be extinct. If the birds win, humanity is enslaved and forced to never taste a piece of meat ever again.

I wish for the area around me to be perpetually clean.

[Kegereneku]

Granted, you are now falling toward the center of the Earth surrounded by a perfect void generated around yourself, no air is present anymore, space-time is barely allowed to be here.

I wish I never misunderstood things I read.

[dburgdorf]

I wish I never misunderstood things I read.

Wish granted. You never misunderstand anything you read. Written text, no matter its source or language, is unambiguously clear to you. The meaning and intent of the author is perfectly obvious. People can still lie to you or misdirect you, but only verbally, never via any form of written communication. Word of your remarkable ability soon begins to spread. Speculation abounds that your ability may not be unique. Paranoia overtakes the populace. Worried about their motivations becoming public knowledge, people around the world stop committing anything to writing. Soon, verbal communication completely supplants any form of written communication. Obviously, communities become isolated and insular, as it's no longer "safe" to communicate over distances farther than someone can shout. Technological civilization crumbles, as humanity reverts to a universal tribal state.

On the plus side, your wish probably solved the global climate change problem.

Anywho....

I wish Pop-Tarts were actually healthy, but still tasty.

[Seriously Unserious]

Granted. Pop Tarts get a new recipe, using only real food, whole grains (even with gluten free options), are certified organic and fully healthy. They are so good they become the most popular food in the world, demand for them vastly outstrips the capacity to produce them. The prices skyrocket and reach over $US10 per Pop Tart within a year. You don't have nearly enough money to afford them and they gradually become a luxury food only the very rich can afford, demand drops off eventually, but the price does not, Pop Tarts are re-branded as an exclusive premium gourmet food and the average person can't afford them any more.

I wish major video game developers didn't release only partial games at the same price as full games anymore and force their customers to pay for full game prices for DLCs that just add the rest of the basic story/features of the game.

[Kegereneku]

Granted, now developers only release full game and stopped selling any DLC that could be seen as "missing from the original game". Instead they came back to the old concept of "add-on & stand-alone expansion pack". Thanks to dematerialized support platform those can be marketed, sold easily & made cross-compatible with all other previous & future games of the franchise.
Riding on the wave of distrust against shitty commercial practice, all Editors & Developers followed the lead and now boast in every medias how their sales exploded by 400% with "Call of Duty" and its 15 stand-alone Campaign filling up all top 10 charts.
Meanwhile, independent developers who kept using the disgusting practices of selling HALF-GAME and the other half year later (using the undeserved profit) of the first half-game, have been drown out of business. Lobbies, defender of "Good practices" even pushed for laws forbidding to promote any game expansion that doesn't sell a full-game worth of content and to be wary of any "indy game" that sell "cheapass improvements".

The above paragraph was sponsored by <Insert Major Game Developer>

I wish for everybody to be more informed & knowledgeable about the products they buy and to strive to impose more ethical and fair practice from business companies.

[Names are for the Weak]

I wish for everybody to be more informed & knowledgeable about the products they buy and to strive to impose more ethical and fair practice from business companies.

Great, now people are more informed about shady business practices! Unfortunately, because of this, nobody buys anything anymore because it's too hard to find ethical businesses out there. This causes a total collapse of the world economy because there's no more money flowing around. In addition to this, everyone starves to death because they'd rather have that happen than support a shady business.

I wish A18 would come out tomorrow.

[Kegereneku]

Granted A18 will come out tomorrow, as a bugged leak from someone who hacked Tynan because he would never release unfinished alpha.


I wish global warming was in fact a myth, not something real.
the weather is so hot where I live, 38°C

[Names are for the Weak]

I wish global warming was in fact a myth, not something real.
the weather is so hot where I live, 38°C

Granted. Unfortunately, once it is officially stated that global warming was a hoax all along, the anti-science type gain a lot more credibility. It soon becomes a mainstream belief that vaccines are bad, because obviously science can't be trusted anymore. Suddenly, a new strain of measles appears that has a death rate of 100%. But because everybody refuses to vaccinate, everybody succumbs to new measles. The only survivors seek refuge in bunker with cryosleep caskets guarded by giant robots called mechanoids, along with various precious metals, to be discovered hundreds or even thousands of years later.

I wish I had an ice cream cone in my hand.

[mabor0shi]

I wish I had an ice cream cone in my hand.

granted Someone fires a waffle cone out of a T-Shirt Cannon and it becomes lodged in your hand. It turns out to be from a new Ice Cream Parlor that is having a Grand Opening promotion! They had a terrible idea of firing ice cream cones into the air and having them parachute down, but the low quality parachutes malfunctioned. They promise to pay your medical bills and give you free ice cream for life, if you don't sue. {I wanted to do this "Choose Your Own Adventure" style and let the wisher accept or decline the deal, so as not to be deterministic. But that is against the format, so I'll do both endings}
If you accept the deal, you will find out soon that other people were hit with stray cones and the Ice Cream Parlor is shut down by police. No more ice cream.
If you try to sue, the madman who owns the Ice Cream Parlor (and came up with the insane T-Shirt Cannon idea) will scoop out your heart and eat it with sprinkles and chocolate syrup. I wish there was a heaven, like in the holy bible, except that people like me are allowed in. I mean gay people. Just kidding, I mean atheists. Let the gays in, too, though.

[Kegereneku]

Granted, there is A heaven like the one you described.
The ORIGINAL one only accept good people who brought good things to civilization. But for some reason another heaven was created with an exception covering everybody who were either gay or atheist when they died.
Since religion don't actually come naturally this included pretty much everybody who are then entitled to do everything They personally love, so long as other don't have the time to object.
Along covered you'll meet Joseph STALIN and numerous serial killers, including gays rapist, anti-gay atheist and even anti-atheist christian fundamentalist who did things to young choirboy.

Funny fact: The good people usually chose the "original heaven" where only they (including good gay) are accepted, so they don't have to meet the horrible person above. meanwhile, most monsters who should have been going to Hell profit from this loophole.
So those persons are the one you are the more likely to meet, enjoying themselves.

Hope you go to the right one.

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I wish Trump received a cream pie in the face, for not keeping his words about working more and playing less golf than Barack Obama (yes he really criticized him for that).