That worked! Thank you so much for your help; you have no idea how long I spent googling, making minor changes, and testing last night. I'm no stranger to formatting errors (and that was the first thing I double-checked - making sure I had all my brackets, my slashes, and making sure it was ThingDef), but my mistakes don't usually hang up the game so badly that I can't get a basic idea of what I did wrong from the debug log, and I didn't even think to check that my commands had the same casing :x
I'm looking into emacs right now.
I'm looking into emacs right now.