Quote from: zayzayem on January 06, 2014, 08:55:38 AM
Sound good.
Childhood - name change - "Urbworld Tech-head" or "Urbworld tinkerer" or "Urbworld Loner". With a heavier social penalty maybe.
Grammar fixes (you used a lot of fragments)
"As a child and teenager, Dominic never had the voice to stand up for himself. He would favour keeping others happy at his expense if that made his life easier; avoiding confrontations as if it was a deadly virus.Favouring microchips over relationships,his interest in technology is what kept him going.He eventually began his journey; travelling the stars, experiencing and learning about the different types of tech people used."[/s]
I've suggested two bits to remove. The "favouring microchips" is a good part, but I suggest you choose between it and the "avoiding confrontations ..."; it seems a little bit repetitive information - but really, up to you.
The last sentence is already described in your adulthood (and really is about his adulthood).
Adulthood - name change "Techncial genius" or "Travelled tech-head" or "Travelling tinkerer"
Also grammar fixes:
After years of travelling on various starships and sampling the technologies of other cultures, Dominic grew into his own man. Hehaskepthisthe naturally caring nature that he had as a child, despite all thebulkyothers put him through. Hehaslearnt a vast amount on his travels, knowing what would seem like petabytes of information when it came to technology. He even replaced his right arm with a roboticreplacementprosthetic to better help him with his technological experimentations.Always researching and knowing how to tweak or fix something.
Not sure if "bulky" is plain English? Last sentence is not a sentence, it's a fragment. It also describes current behaviour, backstories are meant to be that - backstories. Perhaps something about constant researching, tweaking and/or tinkering could go after "Dominic grew into his own man" (describing the man he became).
Thanks a bunch for the feedback. Never thought I would get any haha. I'll have a think about the suggestions you have made and possibly give them more tweaking. Are my Stat modifiers all okay though?
Thanks.