Quote from: Tynan on January 13, 2014, 10:13:08 AMDone
Someone should record a video and YouTube this bad boy!
http://youtu.be/5XL7zGBIB8M
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Show posts MenuQuote from: Tynan on January 13, 2014, 10:13:08 AMDone
Someone should record a video and YouTube this bad boy!
Quote from: Tynan on January 15, 2014, 10:52:18 AMShouldn't there be a placeholder for "his" and "him" as well?
HECAP just gets replaced by the capitalized form of the gender specific pronoun. In this case it equates to He.
Quote from: AHoff on November 06, 2013, 04:51:46 PMWell, I work at a chemical plant…
I like it =)
How did you come up with that?
Quote from: Tynan on November 06, 2013, 11:57:44 PMThe general concept is good, though you've made various little writing errors.Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it!
"has been introduced" - This is the wrong verb tense, use the basic past tense
"Tokamak" - No need to capitalize this. I'd also ask that you take this kind of specific tech reference out; it's not really canon. "Nuclear weapons" would work, wouldn't it?\
"Being exposed to the toxins for all those years" - A bit awkward, perhaps "Years of exposure to industrial toxins"
"taking much of his sight" - Verb tense, I think this should match the sentence and be in past tense, like "and took much of his sight".
"Being unable to continue his work, [Character] joined a crew of marauding mercenaries" - Words "being" and "marauding" could probably go.
"He quickly became their leader's right hand and took over after his demise." This would be smoother if you rewrote it so "he" and "his" don't refer to two different people.
Quote from: Tynan on November 06, 2013, 02:32:42 AMI thought as much. Any thoughts on my original draft?
None of this is in the scope of the character creation system you'll be using I'm afraid.