Corrupt-A-Wish

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, you are capable of solving all of your problems. However doing so only lead to you seeing your next problems and so on indefinitely.
As you are about to address the problem of having problems at all you deduce that stopping causality (and time) is the only way to prevent any more problems from ever happening.
You are thus cursed to be able to solve ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS FOREVER but destroy the universe if you ever do so.

I wish to assassinate the next poster.

[catter]

Wish granted...

As i die I tell you of the horrible thing I will do now, I will go to the place of never-ending torture in an apartment. Then I will take you with me.

I wish that Kegereneku goes with me to the place of never-ending torture in an apartment.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, the fact you brought this old stuff back is already a never-ending torture for anyone, however as I already live in an apartment you didn't have to take me to anywhere so you are alone while I will painfully ignore you.


I wish Comic and Anime comedy tropes like "hammer appearing out of nowhere", "hiding behind a lamp post" or "inconsequential explosive cooking" was possible in real life.

[catter]

Granted, out of the darkness comes a guy with a knife. You run for your life but from behind a lamp post a guy pulls a hammer from behind his back and hits you in the head with it.

I wish I knew what the third trope was...

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, as you are cooking you end up cooking so badly that whatever you where cooking explode in a big and showy way with the windows exploding and thick white smoke coming out. Leaving your kitchen destroyed and you covered with soot and holding a pan from which come out a skull looking aroma. You decide to clean up your mess and 10 minute later it is like there never was a powerful room-destroying explosion.
You end up rethinking about this wish but wonder how it can be a tropes since for you it is now nothing out of the ordinary.
Doing a search prove unsuccessful as you can only find a trope where in a fiction cooking badly result in, not in a explosion, but instead in the stew overflowing, tasting bad and making a big mess.

(ts... it took such a long time to grant this wish, next time I'll just use TVtropes approved tropes)



I wish for the next poster to meet a lethal chef

[catter]

Granted, but instead for dying from so bad of food this poster now loves this food and you watch in aw as this poster eats the lethal chef's dinners every night without any pain or suffering. Meanwhile you are tricked into thinking it is actually is good and end up at a local hospital. Weird how my stomach is different than yours...

I wish we could move on to talk about cats instead of tropes.

[SpaceDorf]

Wish granted, you turn into the Trope of the old cat lady, who talks only about her cats.

I wish I was able to talk to animals.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, you can talk to animal, however you can't understand what they answer you... if they do.
The thing is that almost every animals Loath the human race for destroying the environment and refuse to show they can understand you. Even domestic pets don't answer or hate you for castrating them. Dogs don't actually care about you and just say gimmi-food, and cats are all plotting your death and everything you say will be used against you.

I wish I had a 3D printer that can reproduce any meal I want (as edible as the real thing) and don't require more than electricity.

[catter]

Granted, your new replicator makes food from just electricity. Your belly will be full of food, but your bill will multiply by one trillion. Too bad they didn't make a more efficient version when you weren't in very heavy debt. Oh wait, they did.

I wish that people would stop thinking us cats will want to kill the human race. I mean, you are slaves compared to us, but why would I kill property that is useful?

[AllenWL]

Your wish is granted. Humanity now does not think Cats with kill Humans.
Instead, every Human firmly believes that Cats mean to enslave Humans.
Humans take this about as well as can be expected, and soon, billions of Humans rise up against their Cat Overlords, screaming slogans like 'Give me Liberty or Give me Death!' or 'For Freedom!'. In typical Human fashion, this uprising involves lots of setting fire to things and stoning things to death. Mostly Cats.

I wish I had a pouch that gave me endless amounts of confetti.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, you have one. It give you an infinite amount of confetti, whether or not you want it. It is fun at first, but as you can't stop it you try to lock it up into a chest. But the confetti teleport to you.
After month of such hilarity the world learn of you and grow very concerned about the walking ecological disaster you are. They try to make it and you useful but the confetti can't even be burned as fuel and plans of infinite-confetti-propelled-rocket turn bad as the confetti left in space are incredible hazard.
Eventually you have to run away as fanatic believe that if they kill you they will stop the calamity you've become. Throwing confetti is now considered the most insulting thing you can do to someone.


I wish I could open and close portal to world built out of my imagination any time I want.

[catter]

Granted. As you walk between universes of you imagination and reality, you start to find cross-overs of the universes. This is due to a tiny leak of space-time between universes. As both universes blend together, your imagination slowly causes a tear in space and time. This tear suddenly ends both universes, and you are stuck in limbo.

I wish for the cats to rise and fight back against humans, even if the outcome is where cats are treated as pets again and humans are rulers of the Earth.

[NewJack]

Your wish is granted. Sadly the war drives the cats near extinct, leaving mice predatorless. The sharp increase in mice population spreads the bubonic plague everywhere, causing humanity to abandon earth, only leaving some W.A.L.L.E. units behind.

I wish communism was a thing again.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, communism is a things again and just like before it is soon corrupted into something far far from what you wanted it originally.


I wish my kun-fu to be better than Li Lianjie.

[AllenWL]

Wish granted. Li Linajie suddenly falls over dead.
Being dead, Li Lianjie cannot kun-fu anymore, making you better at kun-fu than Li Lianjie.

I wish I could see a shooting star.