Corrupt-A-Wish

[catter]

Your wish is granted, you even become supreme ruler of the Earth with your master power of deconstructionism, however you later find it lonely at the top and become more strict. Your strictness later ends up being your downfall...

One day while at your desk with your mini supercomputer, you get news of a emotion uprising and all the military is defenseless because no one was imaginative enough to protect them from being swayed by hearing. Your army is now under control of the rebels and your defenses are not enough to stop them. You find yourself with two options, either surrender after putting up a hefty fight or to kill yourself in order that no one may accuse you of being wrong (which would mean your master teaching was wrong). You take the easy way out and suicide.

I wish for an easier wish next time.

[Barazen]

Wish granted! The next wish you answer will be far easier... so easy in fact you feel bored with how to answer it, forcing yourself to put immense amounts of thought and effort above and beyond what would suffice.

I wish, someone could help me get bionics irl.

[mabor0shi]

Wish granted. I help you get a bionic part. I charge an unfairly large finders fee. The back alley bionics surgeon I hook you up with turns out to be Dr. Heiter from The Human Centipede. Dr. Heiter has decided to make you the middle section of a bionic human centipede. He installs a bionic mouth on you, then bolts it to a Japanese man's bionic rectum.
I wish I wasn't the tail end of that centipede, butt I am. (childish butt pun intended)

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, you are at the middle of a 20 persons human-centipede.
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I wish for the person on this forum using the pseudonym "catter" to be the one granting this wish.

[dv]

Wish granted.



I wish computers were more deterministic.

[catter]

Wish granted.



I wish computers were more deterministic.

First of all, I am a cat irlSYYYYKE! but I don't like to blurt that out all the time.
Second, your corruption of that wish was iffy.
Third, your wish is granted and you later find that all you can now do on your computer is run math problems of any sort and doesn't use infinity or dividing by zero.
Fourth, I wish for the memes to go into the deepest part of the internet where it cannot be found.

[mabor0shi]

Your wish is granted. You and all the other memes go into the deepest part of the internet, where you cannot be found. You have a lot of fun there. However, you ultimately decide that, while it is a nice place to visit, you do not want to live there. You return to the regular internet without bringing me any souvenirs, which I resent you for. You could have at least sent a postcard
I wish I had more "mainstream" tastes in pornography.

[catter]

Your wish is granted, but seeing mainstream is now dying due to a shift in the social balance you become a minority and the majority of people who don't watch it criticize you for being such. You later commit suicide because you get bullied so much and see no reason to keep going. You also add the fact that you didn't get a meme postcard to the list of reasons to die.

I wish all my corruptions would not end with the death of something.

[Barazen]

Wish granted! Your corruptiins now bring life to the world! Your world to be precise. Every wish you take on spawns a new creature you feel obligated to describe in detail,  every time. Adding each new creature on top of the list.

I wish microsoft wasn't so screwy.

[mabor0shi]

Wish granted. Microsoft suddenly goes out of business. Apple uses this opportunity to ramp up their plans of world domination. They begin by sending a mind control signal through all of their products. The signal causes Apple users to capture and round-up those using other companies' electronics. They are sent to serve Steve "Lucifer" Jobs in Hell. You long for the carefree days of talking shit about Microsoft on internet forums.
I wish I had a hidden power that makes me the perfect assassin and I am recruited by a shadowy organization that pays well.

[Kegereneku]

Granted, your power is so well hidden you don't know what it is yourself but a shadowy organization hired you a mission for which they paid you a large sum upfront : Assassinating the "perfect assassin". You were perfect at it, the police still believe it's a suicide.


I wish I knew how to make my wish corruption-proof.

[PhantomR]

Wish granted. With the secret knowledge of how to circumvent corrupt-a-wish you instantly go mental insane and claim that the government is a race of lizard people.

I wish I had a nice soft pillow to lay on

[mabor0shi]

Granted. You lay down on the nice soft pillow and it is so comfortable you can't bring yourself to leave it. Ever.
I wish I knew a second language.

[catter]

Granted, you now know a second language. However, your first language suddenly becomes a dead one and no one knows either your first or second language. You later suicide because no one can tell what you are saying even on forums and in colleges.

I wish for my creatures to go away.

[mabor0shi]

Granted. All creatures go away. Your cats, the birds in the trees, the fish in the sea, every animal on Earth goes elsewhere. On the plus side, this includes the crabs in your pubic hair.
I wish for the unconditional love of my ideal girl.