Corrupt-A-Wish

[Names are for the Weak]

The sun now rises tomorrow, destroying the Earth with it. You see, the sun has never actually risen once in its 5 billion year history. Instead, all the other planets orbit it, producing the illusion of the sun rising from their perspective. But today, the sun literally does rise out of the Earth, killing us faster than we can even perceive it happening.

I wish that the 1.0 update will be the best addition to any game ever.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, however this is because after that release, the entire game industry will simply crumble forever into mediocrity, faking continuous development forever but with every update turned into extremely limited and bland DLC and Horizon pass. As a result Rimworld 1.0 will be the best (and last) addition to any game : the one and last time a game declare itself forever finished and don't sell false hope to new players.


I wish I had a snowboard-shaped board that allow me to fly as I want.

[catter]

Granted, your snowboard-shaped hover-board is now in your possession. However, you one day forget that it is a hover-board and try to use it as a normal snowboard.

Let's just say it ends in lots of pain...

I wish to be able to build a new wonder of the world.

[gipothegip]

Granted, it's completely stupid and meaningless, even in your own opinion; but the contemporary art community loves it, and it gains prestige the world over.

I wish I were a physicist.

[catter]

Granted, however because you got other trades online (*cough* armchair psychologist *cough cough*) you also get your physicist degree from Yahoo College. This school teaches a very old and superstitious class about physics and blames everything on a supernatural power that controls and haunts you wherever you go. This gets so ingrained into your head you become a conspiracy theorist afraid of your own shadow.

I wish that I could instantly be number one on the waiting list for just one game show or talk show.

[grrizo]

Granted. You are the number one in a game show AND a talk show. The game is Ride to Hell 2 and the talk is about flat earth.

I wish Black Sabbath could play one last gig on my town, and I could actually aford it.

[catter]

Granted, they come and play in your hometown and you are able to (and do) pay for the tickets. The catch is that this group has changed since you last heard them because they started delving into black magic. So when they start to play one of their newest songs, it is actually a curse put to a song. Thus ends your hometown with you still inside it.

I wish for the moon, a spoon, someone to croon, in the month of June, while I hold flowers in bloom, someone to play the crooner's tune, a honeymoon, and a macaroon.

[gipothegip]

Granted, I put everything on the moon, seems the best place as it's now yours. By the way, the flowers, the crooner and their tune, and who I'm assuming is your future wife with which to honeymoon died, there's no atmoshpere up there. Living things need oxygen and protection from solar radiation. Should've asked for some space suits and life support.

I wish feline astronauts were a thing.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, several space agency try to get funding by sending cat on the ISS to create space cat memes. This end up into a catastrophic failure as one of the cat damage a critical part of the station once released. Soon enough all human astronaut have to abandon the station, the cat who clawed itself on the face of an astronaut keep them from de-orbiting properly and they all burn during reentry.
Because of the loss of the invaluable ISS, of dozen of valorous astronauts, and all credibility for space agency. Any mention to "Feline astronaut" will forever be followed by "NEVER AGAIN" and when the last day of Earth will come, when humanity and other Earthly animals will have colonized the galaxy. Only one species will be left to die on a dead Earth: cat


I wish mankind stopped funding the retarded ideas of sending humans to the surface of Mars and rather funded other research which will actually make mankind progress as a spacefaring civilization.
good luck understanding my rant

[catter]

Granted, instead now space agencies spend their time thinking about how to make a mountain in the Sahara in order to terraform the desert into a beautiful paradise. They also look to making water purifiers that can purify ocean water. They also start thinking about destroying wind generators and make more nuclear reprocessing plants and power plants. Finally they fund fusion power and quantum computing research groups. However, many people are offended by this and over throw these organizations and mankind is thrown into a new Dark Age.

I wish to be the first cat to be replicated by intelligent aliens from a cat hair that escaped Earth's atmosphere.

[gipothegip]

Granted, they genetically modify and mass produce these cats for warfare. They are meant to blend in with native Earth cats to aid in guerrilla war tactics, and they are used to enslave mankind.

I wish I had flawless vision.

[catter]

Granted, they genetically modify and mass produce these cats for warfare. They are meant to blend in with native Earth cats to aid in guerrilla war tactics, and they are used to enslave mankind.

How did you figure it out!? KILL THAT HUMAN!!! HE HAS FOUND OUR SECRET!!!!!!!!!!

Granted you have flawless vision, now you can watch yourself being tortured by cats in vibrant color, a high fps rate of 60, watch in full UHD, and best of all: feel every minute of it! Now all yours! Including the cats torturing you.

I wish nobody else saw the post about us enslaving mankind.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, nobody saw the post about cat enslaving mankind, why? Because despite being replicated by aliens, the guerilla cats were only reintroduced to Earth and only Earth which was essentially abandoned by 99.9999999999999999999% of mankind who knew better than to keep living on the same planet of those filthy liars (the cats only enslaved a blind and deaf grandma who didn't see or heard everyone else leaving).
As said previously this will stay like that until the last day of Earth. At which point cats will go extinct forever and never reappear.


I wish I could write all of my ideas into bestselling novels with ease.

[catter]

Granted, any ideas you have for a book turn into a book. However, you don't like the writing style of your book because it never is how you exactly like it. So you toss out any book that appears after an idea. This was an even worse plan since now publishers are finding these books from the dump and using them to get them money. You only realize this when you one day look in a book store that was selling a book you threw out yesterday. After that, you find the publisher and have a fight about right of ownership and who gets the pay cut. The publisher doesn't believe that you make the books and kills you. Later he found the books stopped coming and he went out of business. Justice is served. (sort of?)

I wish cats weren't a doomed race.

[gipothegip]

Granted, cats become immortal and outlive the lifespan of the universe. It's incredibly cold and there is little energy of any kind; towards the end you're living in a freezing void, yearning for the days of when stars still burned and life still extant.

I wish so many innocent hypothetical people wouldn't have to die granting these wishes.