Old folks home: A story of desperation

[Sorenzo]

Hey

I was kind of miffed to land in a desolate area with three colonists over the age of 60, but I have a policy of taking every colony to its reasonable conclusion, and I was heartened to see that none of them had the worst combination of ailments: Frailty coupled with a bad back.

When a wanderer joined the colony, I felt immense relief. Followed by the disappointing realization that Sparky, the Miner, was just as physically fit as the rest of my colonists.

When the storyteller decided to take pity on me by granting a SECOND wanderer, I thought "Surely, the Rimworld gods know I've suffered, and now see fit to save me." You can guess where this is going. The new wanderer who joined has the full quadfecta: A bad back, frailty, cataracts, and, of course, dementia.

But okay, I managed to capture a young, strapping lad of 41, and by this point I have a greenhouse and coolers set up, and can - belatedly - start setting up turrets, hopefully before a gang of - presumably younger - outlaws attack.

Well, it hasn't happened yet, but I did absent-mindedly send a colonist to shoot an elephant that was leaving the area and traveling past my base.

The elephant didn't approve. It charges the old lady with the pistol, and I immediately look for the men with the survival rifle, who is surely my best shot to save her.

At this, an eery thought creeps into my mind... Wait... am I sure my best shot can even shoot? He very likely has cataracts.
Sure enough, he does. I frantically cycle through my colonists. Hairy has cataracts. Sparky has cataracts. Table has cataracts. Isodora, the ailing huntress, has cataracts.  Holiday... Wait, Holiday doesn't have cataracts!

And then I burst out laughing when I realize that Holiday, the geneticist, had suffered a terrible lab accident that left him incapable of violence.

Also, he has a bad back, which makes him my healthiest worker by a mile.

Let's see if Isodora can seek shelter, or if the enraged elephant will tear my entire team apart.

Addendum:

Well, the elephant has been downed, but it did manage to tear off Hairy's arm, and put Isodora in the hospital medical spot on the ground. Sparky may be half-blind, but he does know how to use a plasteel knife. I suppose that went well. And I suppose losing half of Hairy's work capacity isn't a big loss, given his general state of health.

Oh, and Isodora lost her leg, as it turns out.
I don't know how I'll be able to put up enough turrets...

Addendum:

I didn't. Hairy had a breakdown just before the attack. He was killed by a grenade. Isodoro hadn't recovered from the surgical cuts after her peg was installed, and got hit by a shotgun, but survived. The brawl was intense, but the enemy had split into two groups. The base is safe.

But meanwhile, a cold snap set in and killed all my barely-growing crops while I was fighting, so I couldn't even harvest them early. I have three packaged survival meals left... I don't think I can afford to feed my two prisoners. I don't know if I'll be able to feed my colonists.
All I have is human meat.

[Tynan]

At this, an eery thought creeps into my mind... Wait... am I sure my best shot can even shoot? He very likely has cataracts.
Sure enough, he does. I frantically cycle through my colonists. Hairy has cataracts. Sparky has cataracts. Table has cataracts. Isodora, the ailing huntress, has cataracts.  Holiday... Wait, Holiday doesn't have cataracts!

And then I burst out laughing when I realize that Holiday, the geneticist, had suffered a terrible lab accident that left him incapable of violence.

I definitely laughed out loud at this part.