My Story of Adventure

Started by NikodeemusA, December 19, 2016, 12:32:00 PM

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NikodeemusA

This is a new story I've thought of starting, I'm asking for feedback pls.

Prologue:
   
   It all started on a lonely little ship out in the middle of space. 4 friends from a close by planet and some strangers were on a trip to trade bulk goods when a meteorite hit their ship and they fell towards the planet. When they crashed they realized that the ship was unrepairable and went to salvage their things, this is where their story begins.

Chapter 1:

   "Is anyone hurt?" said Nikodeemus. When he went to go look he found his friends laying in a plain, he figured they were most likely knocked out from the repercussion of the explosion. "I wonder what supplies we have left after that big explosion," he thought. "I mind as well set up a quick medical room with some beds for my friends, maybe a bedroom and a fridge so that we can keep food because I think we are gonna be awhile." When he got done it started to get dark, so he hauled his friends into beds so that they would not be harmed in the dark.

   The next day he awoke to some groans, he check and it wasn't his friends so he looked outside and saw a woman crawling out from under some debris. "Are you alright?" He asks. She said, "I think my ankle is sprained, but I am alright, how long have you been awake?". Nikodeemus said, "Just enough time last night to make a quick hut to hold my friends that were not buried." She determined that it would be better to help each other because they have the same goal. "I think that we should get to work on getting off this rock, we should team up," she said. "I agree, but we need to search for the two missing others, they might be trapped." Nikodeemus said. So they searched, and later they found the other two. Once they were all acquainted, they got to work on getting crafting and farming set up. They later recovered the cargo bay and discovered everything intact. Once they obtained the cargo, (1000x steel, 200 components, 50 packaged survival meals, 2000 silver, 40 plasteel, 400 wood, 50 medicine, and 10 glitter world medicine.), they even found the comms console intact and were able to put it into their new workshop. This is where the narration ends, and the recording of their encounters come in. In the next episode we see our characters react to the wake up of the other survivors, and the necessary guts it takes to survive on this planet with pirates and tribals.


Dukkha

Haha awesome man. I always love seeing creative inspiration come out of a video game. If you keep writing I'd love to read what you come up with.

Since you're looking for feedback I'd say most importantly, study up a little on the difference between the "What" and "Why"'s of a story.
You can spend pages describing "what" a character is doing and not catch any interest, meanwhile one sentence of "why" s/he's doing it can hook an audience for the rest of the story.
You tell us that four bulk traders crash on a planet. Now try to describe why we should be interested in these four individuals and their failed journey. Rule of thumb, every time a "what" happens, ask yourself "why" the audience should care.
A great book on the subject is "Start with why" if you're interested (in the business section)

But most importantly, just keep on writing and keep having fun with it :)
Hope to see more of your work!
Losing is fun!