So my first cut at background - (Wow I'm a huge nerd)

[Nerhesi]

Mercenary Tier

Name: Sam Wissa (Short: Wraith - callsign)

Being born and raised on the Glitterworld of Amen-Ti, capital of a highly content and advanced empire in the core, was as easy of a childhood as one could ask for.  Upon reaching adulthood, the decision to join the Starforce seemed like the honourable way to serve an empire that gave him so much...

Graduating with honours and distinguishing himself in 3 campaigns as the legendary fighter pilot ("Wraith") against more aggressive, advanced civilizations; it seemed like there was no end to success.  However, after a vicious battle he found himself among a handful of stranded pilots with their carrier destroyed, out of fuel and floating into oblivion.

Activating Longsleep, he prayed for the best...

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Stats and all that stuff is secondary to the interesting background.  Seemed like a colourful character to add to motley crew of random non-professional colonists.  Doubt he'll be excellent at anything really... maybe a skill of fighter pilot: +30 too bad that doesn nothing?

[Tynan]

Fundamentally, it looks good to me.

Minor writing issues (e.g. no need to capitalize glitterworld or longsleep, write three not 3), but those are easy.

One content thing I might push back on is calling him a "legendary" fighter pilot. Perhaps just stating he was an ace would suffice?

Style rewrite, condensing info and removing unnecessary words; tell me what you think:

Raised on Amen-Ti, glitterworld capital of an advanced empire in the core, NAME had an easy childhood. As a youth, HE decided that joining the Starforce would be his way of giving back to the empire.

NAME graduated the star academy with honors and distinguished himself as an ace fighter pilot in three campaigns against more advanced aggressor cultures. However, after one vicious battle, he found himself stranded with no carrier to return to. With nowhere to go, he activated longsleep and prayed for the best.


Interesting that this guy would have had to be in longsleep for a long, long time to get anywhere. Also that it doesn't really state how he ended up on the rimworld. Which is good, because characters can appear in all sorts of contexts.

[Nerhesi]

Thanks for the reply Tynan!

Yeah I figured I can make it more plausible and have spend less time in sleep if left out mention of the Core and used something. Was just keeping your guidelines in mind with most empires only being in the Core sector. Perhaps I can reword to change his origin to an empire from a nearby cluster?

Thanks for the guidelines bud - Ace will do fine too!

[Tynan]

Oh, I don't think the long longsleep period is a problem. In the fiction longsleep is indefinite, so people can last thousands of years. He could have been drifting for 2000 years.