Story Time With The Hat!!

Started by The_Hat, November 01, 2018, 11:02:51 PM

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The_Hat

#15
Sixteenth Season: Decembary 5503

No sooner had Val kicked the bucket than we recruited a new colonist, with Partridge agreeing to join us on the 1st. While the builders were finishing tearing down the old barracks on the 2nd, Rubber consulted with Hanfy about belief perseverance and apparently didn't like what he had to say on the subject. Hanfy incapacitated Rubber, and both were sent to medical. In medical, Rubber apologized to Hanfy. "The apology was heartfelt, and brought Rubber and Hanfy closer together." However, this did not prevent the pair from brawling over a disagreement on astronomy on the morning of the 3rd. Again, Rubber got her butt kicked. Having gotten her ass handed to her twice by Hanfy, Rubber again apologized later in the day.

On the 4th, we were bombarded by an invasion of chinchillas. We had to risk exposing ourselves to kill them all because they were insistent upon running around our northeast corner. During the redeployment, Coley had a mental break and went on an alcohol binge. She stubbornly stomped right back to camp in the path of the angry furballs. Predictably, Coley was immediately swarmed and downed. We picked apart the remaining chinchillas and rescued Coley. Kaleun was the only other colonist injured in the scrap.

The mental breaks continued. Eva became apathetic on the 4th. Sebastian and Colin both broke on the 5th. On the 6th, Emily started binging on ambrosia. Since we lacked a successful ambrosia harvest at that time, she had to settle for the date soda that had been sitting outside for months that no one had bothered to transport in.

Sebastian, for his part, would give up on the 7th. He decided to just up and leave, and honestly, I had too much going on to worry much about it, especially given the fact that Sebastian's go-juice addiction makes him the least productive member of our society. Jen tried to calm Sebastian down, but he was adamant. That is, until the morning of the 8th. Due to the effects of go-juice detox, Sebastian had spent all night walking without really getting anywhere. At 11h, he finally collapsed from hunger and exhaustion. It was then that he realized the impracticality of his plan, and agreed to reconsider his silly notions as far as finding a better life.

Dog suffered a mental break on the 8th. Then a spacer named Hadley fell from the skies, and for some reason, I decided to rescue instead of imprison him. Anyway, morale was down across the board, but McConnell and Xina's wedding on the 10th helped release some of the tension. Beamer compared Rynyk to a moose during the post-wedding celebration, and Rynyk headbutted Beamer in the rib cage for the personal slight.

Later on the 10th, Sullivan was burned while attempting to douse a fire that Rubber had caused while hunting boomalopes a bit too close to our northern perimeter. Hadley had recovered from his injuries on the 12th and decided to depart. Later in the day, we began working on a power grid for our developing hospital wing. We liberated Mike from a large space capsule late on the 12th. Mike was not pleased that we helped him and had to be shot dead.

On the 14th, we had a random wanderer join. But Eugene is beyond useless. He is good at mining, but also hates mining. What to do? I just assigned Eugene to cleaning, something that never seems to get done satisfactorily. Our floors better remain spotless, Eugene! Also on the 14th, a huge trade deal with a trade ship. They brought all of our built-up animal skins for several thousand in silver!

Sebastian started self harming outside of camp on the 15th and had to be rescued. Agatha flagrantly insulted Colin's facial hair while the two were mining in the quarry, provoking a fight. Later on the 15th, a pack of manhunting nightlings rushed toward camp and were picked apart by our turrets. This would go a long way to addressing a food shortage that would plague us throughout the following year.

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The_Hat

#16
Seventeenth Season: Aprimay 5504

Has it really been three years since we crashlanded on this barren rock and made a new life for ourselves solely by living off the blood of dead raiders? Yessir, it certainly has. Dog, newly recruited and sporting a bloody stump where her left leg used to be, became the proud owner of a shiny new peg leg on the 1st. Our population was bursting at the seams, and lacking enough colonist bedrooms to fully please everyone, I vastly expanded our garden before a major food shortage provoked a revolt.

McConnell's kidney disease was getting quite severe by the 5th, severe to the extent that I feared we could lose him. He was moving slower too, so I had him replaced in the kitchen by Justin, as I rededicated him to vastly important hauling jobs.

There was a huge, unanticipated conflict on the 6th. Previously, we had been visited by traders from Ithoum. We had acquired a great deal of meat from them, but when one of their number abruptly figured on setting some of our solar generators on fire (funnily enough, one of the traders' huskies was also set ablaze), I had to do something to make them regret it. Unfortunately, everyone was asleep at the time, leaving Sullivan to run around putting out fires and such. Enlisting our otherwise useless Eugene to do the job, I had him try to arrest the pyromaniac in question, Barrett. The little shitheel happened to be the son of Emily, but he was about to find out exactly how much that worked in his favor.

Predictably, Barrett resisted being arrested. And then all hell broke loose. My people opened fire relentlessly. Sally and Mars were killed immediately, Bowles right after, most of the rest fled into the hospital, and a small number were left flatfooted in the open. Barrett continued to fight with Eugene until my flamers got within shooting distance and bombarded them both. Dadoo had the misfortune of lying out near the turret guns when a few randomly opened fire and immediately incapacitated her. No surprise. One of her traits was wimp.

Speaking of wimps, there was some crossfire, and Von Schild took a nasty one to the leg, immediately dropping to the ground. The rest of the battle was a blur. Most of the traders fled to the far side of the hospital, where their dogs desperately chewed through the walls. One or two traders who were outside camp at the time fighting started managed to slip away into the night to bring tales of our anger to the now hostile trader faction Ithoum.

Ithoum. Big deal. We have a working comms console now. We don't need you anymore. You little pricks.

While most of our medics slept in adjoining rooms, there was a desperate standoff in the hospital halls as their defenders tried to buy their pack animals enough time to dig their way to freedom. Mushinto, armed with nothing but a knife, led our charge to stop them, however he managed to get himself tased and dropped to the floor twitching. Coley was injured by gunfire (hit in the neck by a rail pistol), Nate was shot dead, and Minia, the blossom sheep we had earlier sold to the traders in exchange for their meat, headbutted Sullivan. Alyona was downed, Biz got tased in the face and was downed, and our people swarmed Gregory Heap and set him ablaze with flamethrowers. It was admittedly a bit enclosed to be using flamers like that, but I didn't care. Every trader had to suffer.

Over where the fighting had broken out, Gustav was putting out tiny fires while a big one engulfed Barrett, who was still clutching to life. Rubber was bit in the leg by a husky. Jen got caught in a little crossfire and was wounded. Back in the hospital, the huskies had managed to get through our walls, yet even now they weren't free, as they still had to bore through our outer wall defensive perimeter. I had questioned putting it up around an area that was already protected heavily by mountains; now I guess I'm glad I did. Jude and Beast were shot in the back as they fled, and then we leisurely lit up the traders' panicking huskies, and also claimed a few kitty cat corpses. A few others managed to escape.

They left behind Nicole, who had chosen a rather inopportune location to try digging out. Still, she managed to down Eugene before we overwhelmed her with numbers. 

What a mess. In the end, we had four downed colonists (Mushinto, Biz, Von Schild, Eugene), plenty of injuries (Sullivan, Jen, Rubber, Coley), one new prisoner (Dadoo), and a small fire in the hospital that threatened our medicine stockpile. The medicine was saved, as were all of our colonists. Our freezer was greatly bolstered by the addition of so many husky and cat corpses, as well as the corpse of our late and unlamented blossom sheep, Minia. Emily is pissed off at us for killing her son, and Ithoum now hates our guts, but all in all, it was a good fight.

I had Dawn patch up the breaks in our defensive barrier, while Pederson helped himself to cutting apart corpses for raw organs. His first autopsy yielded results, affording us everything from a heart, two livers, an eye, a hand, a foot, a stomach, a pelvis, even a kidney for McConnell. Successive autopsies would not bear fruit.

On the 6th of Aprimay, Xina undertook the bloody chore of cutting out McConnell's barely functioning kidney. There was a delay with his replacement surgery, as I had neglected to research organ transplantation.

On the 7th, we were driven to the brink by stupid tribals. Fifteen of them who dug into the exposed stockpile along our northern wall. Eva was nearby, and picked up a spear in an effort to rush the first raider, who was far ahead of the others. However, she was soon swarmed. I had to call my defenders up from the defensive line in the south. Hanfy and Coley were the first to arrive, and attempted to draw the raiders to them while the others moved into position for a flanking maneuver. Several raiders were injured, yet no one was downed, that is until the other colonists arrived. Sebastian, despite abhorring violence, took up arms and sniped off Gogacho, the raider who had initially dug into the base.

The raiders took too many casualties and elected to run. But our flamers, in firing around wildly and maiming raider and colonist alike, succeeded in igniting the chemfuel in the stockpile. Many of the fleeing raiders ran headlong into the explosion. Our people rushed to put out the fast growing blaze before it consumed all of our valuables, leaving the last fleeing raider, Caxo, to his own devices. Rubber managed to get herself singed in helping to extinguish the blaze. In the end, we saved the stockpile, but only at the cost of a great deal of chemfuel. And our pride.

Von Schild, having been subjected to the sight of one too many corpses, broke right after the fighting stopped. Eva, Khan and Agatha joined the others in the infirmary (which we had just finished getting fully on line with our last trade ship deal). And we captured Huntsman, although we were forced to sever one of his arms to combat infection. And his rapid aging disease could be a hindrance on his productivity. With the stress of combat over for the moment, Emily led a grand parade to get at the raiders' smokeleaf.

Research for organ transplantation was completed, and McConnell received his new kidney bright and early on the 8th, although we'll have to keep an eye on tissue rejection. On the 9th, we were ambushed by a small army of cobras. Luckily, the snakes proved absolutely no match for our southern defenses, and by the evening, the colonists were dining on snakeflesh.

On the 10th, we began building a multi-tiered wall to deter any repeats of the most recent raid. I also planned on moving the stockpile, once we could dig out an appropriately-sized room in the caves.

On the 11th, the colony was subjected to another serious hazard in the form of a gargantuan bouldermit, which was crushing everything in its path. And it was heading right for the stockpile we had narrowly just saved. There seemed to be no stopping its course, these things can easily just plow through walls, crushing everything in their wayward path.

Fortunately, we had developed a sizable stockpile of lasers and fire throwing weapons, and I organized a firing line with every able bodied fighter carrying a laser or flamethrower. Bouldermits are virtually immune to small arms gunfire, but it seems if you have enough people shooting one with incendiary launchers and laser rifles and the like, they go down pretty quick. Another crisis averted.

Later on the 11th, Huntsman was successfully recruited. And then we received another raid of those stupid annoying tribals. And there were two packs of them coming at us from different directions. This meant it was necessary to split up my defenders. Monkey, Hanfy, Coley, Bolla, Kaleun and Von Schild amassed to protect our southern border. I had Sullivan, Rynyk, Khan, McConnell, Agatha, Rubber and Jen risk exposing themselves in the north just in case those assholes got smart and tried to dig into us again. The northern front went okay. We got an early sniper kill before the others swarmed us. We managed to fight them off, but Sullivan was injured. The southern line easily held firm. And then a refugee chase event on the same day threatened the camp yet again.

Our new colonist, Cait, hastened to safety, pursued by seven very well equipped raiders armed with laser rifles and personal shields. Our tamed meadow ave was the first casualty of this battle. Caught out in the open amongst our dumping stockpiles, the poor girl never had a chance. She later bled out while the fighting was still raging on.

The raiders, coming from the east, took several hours to run around our camp to test their mettle on our main defenses. Their fate was the same as the many others who have crossed our paths. Harvey made it into our zone ahead of the others and was quickly downed. Khan had just enough time to rush and grab his heavy laser before the others cleared our maze. A devastating weapon, she used it to shear off Kazuya's arm and leg while our firestarters bombarded the advancing Lindner. Venus was downed, and we picked off the fleeing raiders as they emerged from our maze out the other end, as has become our ritual. Hanfy was the only colonist to suffer injury. I had someone strip Daniel of his power armor. Sullivan, as the senior colonist, would have the honor of wearing it.

The end of the fighting prompted a massive wave of mental breaks, with Kaleun, Biz, Coley and Jen all freaking out for various reasons. For her part, Coley was ready to give up on us altogether, although she was fortunately talked out of it. Camtra was a downed raider whom we took prisoner. We had to give him a liver transplant after his existing liver was destroyed in battle.

Panther was another captured raider who was persuaded to join us on the 12th. On the 13th, we were forced to address a blight that threatened our crops. Later in the evening, Monkey had a mental break outside of camp and spent hours smashing her fists into our marble exterior walls. Her break was followed by that of Emily, who still blamed us for the death of her son. He had it coming. You know we're right. The remainder of the month was thankfully run-of-the-mill.

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The_Hat

#17
Eighteenth Season: Jugust 5504

We captured a downed spacer named Yuna from a crashed transport pod that landed on the edge of our garden on the 2nd. Also, we gained a tamed cactipine in the deal. Yuna was housed in our makeshift prison, while the cactipine ended up in our depleting food stockpile. Our hunters got around to thinning out the predators on the map that were devastating prey resources to such an extent that the map had been nearly devoid of prey animals for nearly a year.

With most of the dangerous predators having been hunted by Sullivan and Rynyk by the 3rd but still no new prey animals moving in, the hunters started to kill the bouldermits in the region. There were four or five of the nasty creatures, and I was getting suspicious that there was some glitch with the bouldermits that was preventing new animals from spawning.

A raid of mining tribals came from the north on the 3rd, and I was forced to expose our soldiers to attack in order to wipe them out before they dug into our storage again. What a stupid and careless fight. Sullivan, Khan, Bolla, Coley and Rubber were all downed, and Monkey was seriously injured, before Rynyk, Jen and Hanfy managed to fight them off. I'm decided. I'm going to lead a group to destroy those stupid tribals once and for all as soon as I can spare the time, resources and manpower. It may be awhile, but the Nation of Abeve is going to die. We'll attack every settlement. We will burn them all.

Jen collapsed in exhaustion while rescuing Bolla. Bolla managed to walk the rest of the way under his own power. Sullivan lost one of her toes, and Coley was narrowly rescued from the brink of death. Von Schild tended to Rubber until having a mental break due to the observed rotting corpse debuff. He consequently became possessed and started puking all over the hospital wing. On the good side of things, our next harvest from our expanded garden was bountiful, and did a lot to address our food shortage.

Dawn accidentally injured Fox's pride with a slight and began running around camp while Fox pursued her in an effort to slap her stupid. Dadoo was recruited on the 5th. On the 6th, there was a refugee chase event that I actually declined because I wanted to concentrate on putting the few remaining bouldermits out of their misery and continuing to address our food shortages.

For the last several days, our miners had been digging out a new area for storage. As they neared the project's completion, Dawn encountered our first ancient danger site. I had no idea what awaited within, but I waited until the 7th, when all of our defenders could be well-rested and fed before positioning soldiers around the spot where we intended to crack this site. What we discovered was hardly dangerous, just an open space containing some energy cells, luciferium, a flatscreen television and about four cryptosleep pods containing four spacers. Spacers Makato and Giggles were downed, while spacers Dweeb and Kidult were pacifists opposed to any sort of violence, thus they agreed to being arrested. Kidult was immediately recruited on the same day.

On the 7th, Rynyk and Monkey singlehandedly dealt with a duneallisk clutch mother threat. Makato was convinced to join us on the 8th (he was promised free fresh cabbages. Makato said "Oh, boy, cabbages." That was a lie. We don't actually have any fresh cabbages). Yuna followed suit on the 9th.

Late on the 11th, a group of raiders arrived in drop pods. Two of them were armed with rocket launchers. I wanted those rocket launchers. I also didn't want to die. Fortunately, many of the raiders who dropped in were suffering the acute effects of alcohol intoxication. Those who dropped in drunk were initially blacked out. The dudes carrying the launchers were among the drunkards.

Making a snap decision, I queued up the building of a mortar. We had a few mortar shells in storage. The raiders began their charge just as it was being completed. Dog must have lobbed six or seven mortar shells at the incoming attackers, yet only one connected, although the victim of that shot was wearing a personal shield and only had that disabled.

I was extremely worried about the rocket launchers (triple rocket launcher x1, doomsday rocket launcher x1). The good news was that they were soon left in the dust of the sober raiders. Really, these drunkards could barely stand, and their movements were further delayed by the periodic need to empty their guts in the grass.

I made a desperate initiative. Eugene, largely useless due to his reluctance to do anything other than cleaning, went out in an effort to sneak behind Barker, the guy carrying the doomsday cannon. Unfortunately, Barker was protected by a gunner, Raj, who immediately noticed Eugene as he rushed in. Eugene was wounded in the foot, and lost a toe as a consequence.

In our southern defenses, things were going well. The first three enemies to march in eagerly died all too quickly. The rocket launcher guys grimly continued on. That is, until Barker got the bright idea to lob a shot at Eugene. Even drunk, his aim was fast and true. One of Eugene's legs was blown clear off, and his arm was shredded, but Eugene, that relentless bastard, was otherwise remarkably uninjured in the explosion. Raj was not nearly as lucky. Standing a bit off to the side, he was nevertheless caught in the blast radius and was completely blown to bits. Our northern exterior wall absorbed tremendous damage and was breached, but the sight of his friend being blown to smithereens threw Barker (and the rest of the raiders) into a mad panic. I didn't send anyone after them, I just sent Eugene through the hole in our wall down to the safety of the hospital. He made it about halfway before collapsing, and required rescue. We managed to save him and give him a new peg leg to replace his mangled up old leg later.

We didn't get any rocket launchers, but the colony is okay. Eugene proved himself through his sacrifice.

An obligatory slew of mental breaks (caused by a medium psychic drone) followed. Rynyk scorned Fox's weight and also her brother's hands. Monkey started slitting her wrists, and Emily became apathetic. Sullivan was on the brink too, and I had her chow down on some ambrosia.

Speaking of ambrosia, Huntsman had become addicted. Treating his aging sickness had become impossible, and it was time to give up on him. I denied him food and medical care and hoped to starve him out, but wardens kept him alive through a steady stream of ambrosia. It was time to consider doing something extremely nasty.

There was a party on the 12th. During the party, Gustav got beat up by Viper after accidentally insulting her. Jen actually restrained Viper before she could do any serious damage. By the 13th, Mushinto had formed a clique with Bolla and Hanfy.

A hunting disaster on the 13th; Sullivan and Rynyk were out culling bumbledrones and were soon swarmed by the angry stinging insects. Sullivan was badly stung―left out on her own, she might have been killed, but luckily Rynyk was able to lighten the load, and together they blasted the remaining insects.

By the 14th, I had decided to put Huntsman out of his misery. He was bedridden from aging sickness and unable to function. All he did was eat and sleep. Sullivan did the honors, euthanizing him by slitting his throat. The death of Huntsman actually afforded the colony a slight mood boost. It seems almost everyone despised the guy.

A near incident on the 15th. A herd of aerofleets passed by the colony, and we jumped on the hunting opportunity. The rash of explosions resulting from the aerofleets' deaths rapidly caused a huge wildfire. Our colony would surely have been devoured by the flames if not for the fact that our walls are made of inflammable marble. Sullivan and Rynyk were both scalded by the flames, but managed to recover enough aerofleet corpses to further bolster our food resources while we look to expanding the hydroponics bay.

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The_Hat

Nineteenth Season: Septober 5504

This will be a shorter entry. It was a relatively tepid season. One that was desperately needed, and one that afforded the colony precious time to build resources and make important progress on our permanent housing quarter. Dweeb joined the colony on the 1st of the month, and quickly got to work harvesting food from the garden before the inevitable mid-season freeze. We converted the old hospital room into another hydroponics area, and then foiled a 2-person attempt at a prison breakout. That finished Giggles' resistance, and he would join us on the 2nd.

Five devil sheep joined the colony on the 2nd. We lost one of them on the 4th due to a hunting incident. Our devil sheep was killed by a lynx before we could do anything. We easily murdered the lynx, and added both carcasses to our bloated stockpile. The remaining sheep were later sold to space traders for a sizable bounty.

On the 6th, a colonist from our enemies, Ithoum, crashlanded outside camp. We captured her, but there was no time to treat her injuries before she bled out. Speaking of lost causes, I sent a party out on the same day to open the large transport pod just east of camp. The spacers within, Pattie and Franklin, were beyond all help as well.

The month's most exciting moment occurred on the 7th. A group of raiders appeared to the north of camp. They were seigers, and I quickly sent Fox to man the mortar we had built during the prior raid. But this was unnecessary, for you see, the seigers were ambushed by a pack of maddened bears. The bears devastated their ranks, killing or downing eight of the eleven attackers. The remaining three fled. Their payload of steel for their mortars failed to arrive also.

At the end of the fighting, there was still three bears left standing, but they were badly cut up. One of them collapsed on the way to attack us. It was a simple matter to send Rynyk out alone to pick off the remaining two.

With all the inactivity, people were getting bored and restless. Panther vented his spleen on Mushinto after the latter made fun of his nose in the recreation room. Mushinto, the bully, kicked his ass. Khan began trying to tame an animus vox on the 7th, but would fail repeatedly. On the 9th, Von Schild developed stress trauma over not having his recreation fulfilled. The guy really is a weak little pussy.

While attempting to recruit Camta on the 10th, Viper asked about his usefulness. This made me wonder just how useful he really was (he wasn't really). Camta was being a stubborn prick anyway, so I had Jen execute him on the 11th.

Viper has really become fragile of late. Several times she has started to fight after being accidentally slighted. On the 14th, Sebastian ran afoul of her uneven temperament in the freezer. Viper punched him in the dick, cracking his pelvis.

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The_Hat

#19
Twentieth Season: Decembary 5504

With such a slow preceding season, it was a guarantee that Randy Random was gearing up to hit us with something awful, and Decembary was the month that almost killed us. To start off, Rynyk was almost fatally mauled by a maddened megasloth while out hunting on the 1st, and had Rubber not been nearby to both kill the offending beast and drag her off to safety, she would almost certainly be dead. Deep snow slowed Rubber's progress, and by the time Rynyk was safely in a medical bed, she had only one hour to go before she was bled out. With no other qualified medics nearby, it was a hugely fortunate thing that Rubber just happened to be able to doctor in a pinch. Our number one shooter's life was saved.

While Rynyk was still getting patched up, a group of tamed Yorkshire terriers wandered into camp, looking for cuddles and affection. What they found instead was death; every one of those abominable yorkies had been slaughtered by dawn of the following day to find permanent shelter within our ravenous freezer.

We had the obligatory stress-induced mental breaks over the course of the following few days. Von Schild and Giggles were depressed over being drowsy and recreation-starved. On the 5th, new mayor Jen had to endure the public humiliation of having her pants disintegrate while she was out for a stroll. Fortunately, we have plenty of apparel plundered from the bodies of raiders, downed and dead alike. On the 6th, Hanfy proposed marriage to Fox, who accepted.

The event that almost murdered us occurred on the 7th. Drop pods. In camp. Containing five very well-armed commandos wearing the best armor and toting devastating high-precision weaponry. The bastards dropped Sullivan in their opening salvo, and then dug in behind our solar generators. They were almost untouchable, easily dropping anyone who wandered into view. Dog was felled when she attempted to rescue Sullivan. Gustav and Agatha tried to flank our attackers, but Agatha was picked off at a distance before she could get in range and literally had her heart melted. Then Gustav was downed, and from that point, the raiders busied themselves of running about our main power grid and attempting to smash it to pieces.

Meanwhile, everyone I sent to rescue Sullivan met a foul end. Rynyk was downed, immediately followed by Eugene, Xina and Pederson. Monkey and Coley attempted to attack from the other side, but met the exact same fate. While all of this was going on, Gustav suffered intenstinal failure.

I recalled everyone from around the map, no matter who they were or what they did, to participate in the defense of camp. I hoped to swarm the raiders with sheer numbers, but it seemed hopeless. Our casualties were piling up, and no one had so much as wounded the enemy. Making matters worse, Jen, our fearless leader and one of my snipers, had succumbed to a bout of histrionics just moments before the fighting started and was beyond useless. So soon into her mayoral tenure. This does not bode well for her reelection bid. Assuming any of us survive to have another election.

To make matters worse, the raiders were about to dispose of all fighting and just kidnap whoever they could. Sullivan was the first to get caught. One of the raiders moved in to grab Rynyk. This is when things finally started to go our way. Partridge arrived at the site of the battle, spear in tow, and deterred one of these smug assholes from making off with Rynyk. Greyhound was injured with her spear. Sneipen, rather than assist, actually waved at Greyhound and took off for the north, intending to just run for it. It seems there really is no honor among thieves. It seemed foolhardy, but right then, Mushinto, one of our melee experts, arrived at the battle to aid Partridge.

Like Sneipen, Doc decided to make a run for it. He downed Colin on his way to our eastern wall. That was when things really started to go our way. Ryan, the raider who was trying to kidnap Sullivan, got caught in the worst possible position, out in the open with five or ten angry shooters returning from the southern caves. He was picked to pieces and dropped to the ground, fully and utterly dead. Viper arrived to help Partridge and Mushinto, and the three of them pummeled Greyhound into oblivion. Sneipen managed to drill through our north wall just as Rubber was returning from hunting duties to cut off his retreat. Badly injured by a laser rifle blast to the jaw, Sneipen nevertheless downed Rubber with ease, and made a daring kidnapping attempt. Doped up on go-juice, psychite and wake-up, he was extremely fast. But Bolla's laser sniper round was about seven billion times faster. It was Sneipen that suffered the most ignominious end; Bolla's sniper round seared through his right leg, severing it at the hip, then deflected to transform Sneipen's right kidney into a thick mushy paste. The tragedy is that Sneipen didn't suffer more before he inevitably perished.

Of the raiders, only Blitz and Doc escaped unscathed. Doc ran away emptyhanded through a passage to the east; I've no idea where Blitz went. Our casualties were almost catastrophic. Sullivan, Rynyk, Rubber, Monkey and Coley were downed, which made it difficult to hunt. Xina, Peterson and Dog, three of our assigned cooks were also downed. Eugene was downed, Colin was downed (and had also had his pants entirely burned off), Partridge was injured, Gustav needed a new stomach. Beamer attempted to haul Agatha back to medical, but she suffered brain death along the way. There was no saving her, as she died before we could get her on a bed.

I had Panther carry Agatha's body to a sarcophagus before one of our attending medics had a mental break from observing a corpse. Sebastian, Beamer, Hanfy and Von Schild worked double shifts saving everyone. I pulled the night owl Fox out of bed to assist them. Von Schild carried out the procedure to install in Gustav a new stomach, but failed catastrophically. Never assign a neurotic to do a man's work. It was a fortunate thing that we had a spare stomach sitting around in storage. This time, I had Sebastian do the honors. Gustav's second stomach surgery was successful, but she would take the longest to recover. Makato replaced the solar generator we had lost, and Dawn went to work patching up the holes in our walls.

Curious glitch in Agatha's sarcophagus. The art refers to an incident involving the death of another colonist (Wade) that had nothing to do with her. Bolla, Mushinto, Pederson and Panther formed a clique and threatened to split from us and form a new faction. Which is all we need.

We wouldn't have long to lick our wounds. On the 8th, with half our shooters incapable of walking, another party of tribals came from the east. More stupid sappers. And as they neared our eastern wall, I fully realized the danger as it dawned on me that there was still a hole in the wall.

There was nothing to do but to assign Mushinto one of the fireball throwing guns we had picked up from the recent attack. Even though Mushinto is a brawler who hates ranged weapons. Emily, a pacifist who is nevertheless a strong fighter, was brought in this one too, as were Khan and Biz.  Bolla and Kaleun joined this one too, and that relatively small force was able to distract a tribal force more than twice its size from the wall gap long enough to drive them off. There were a lot of aerofleets in the area between our two groups, and it was just dumb luck that one of those floating jellyfish didn't explode and possibly kill all of our enemies. In the end, eleven tribals were dead or downed, with only Khan getting wounded (she took an arrow to the shoulder). The rest ran for the hills, stymied yet again.

Right after the raid, we captured Smith, a downed pawn from Ithoum dropped in by a pod. Smith was actually the husband of Giggles, so I was all set to recruit him. As our situation evolved, Monkey suffered a torso infection (that she would survive fortunately), and we were nearing a critical situation with our food stockpile, given the fact that all our assigned cooks were recovering from injuries in sickbay. I hastily assigned new cooks to man the kitchen before our 53 remaining simple meals dwindled to zero.

In addition to Smith, there were two other prisoners from the tribals, at least one of which was a lost cause. Cercari had had his heart imploded and was actually clinically dead. His cohort, Crouboa, developed a kidney infection that I treated by removing the kidney.

As the 8th continued to progressed, both Von Schild and Eva fell prey to temper tantrums, while Coley became apathetic. Then on the 9th, Rynyk started to hoard furniture in her room over anger (developing stress trauma) from having to wear dead man's clothes right after I assigned to her some reactive armor.

It wasn't all gloom and doom. Von Schild wooed Monkey on the 11th by complimenting her jawline. I have always said that the way to any woman's heart is to tell her that her chin is shaped like a lovely lollipop.

Cait suffered a minor heart attack on the 12th. Fortunately, we now have close to 200 good medicine, and Sullivan was able to save her after three treatments. We picked up a king's ransom in meat from space traders to reinforce our rebounding food stockpile, and a party to end out that day reinforced almost everyone's mood.

On the 13th it was time to get started on repair jobs that no one had really bothered with at all in the last year. Sullivan was almost maimed by a maddened megasloth while out hunting, it was just a fortunate thing that Coley was nearby enough to immediately pick off the frothing creature from a distance.

Khan began dogging her boyfriend around camp, begging to get married on the 14th. The incessant squealing finally prompted Biz to dump her. I had everyone who was suffering a serious negative mood outlet imbibe our growing stash of sweet sweet ambrosia, and it was then I noticed that Eva was fuming over lies Kaleun had told another colonist.

Despite raider-induced setbacks, our floor-building project in the main housing section was finally completed on the 15th. Well, completed except for our new storage room, but I've yet to decide the flooring I want to use there. Next on our to-do list, we will have to smooth out all the walls, then set up main power, add glowstrips for lighting and finally get around to fully furnishing everything. But the most tedious aspect of that is done.

[attachment deleted due to age]

The_Hat

#20
21st Season: Aprimay 5505

Wow, have we really been going strong for five years now? It was a month of big surprises and serious threats that I juggled while also focusing on finishing the permanent housing complex for my colonists. Smith joined us on the 1st of the month and immediately shacked up with his girlfriend, Giggles. Crouboa remained an enigma, and continued to resist my recruiting efforts even as we chipped her resistance down to zero. On the 2nd, Eva's lover, Jay fell from the sky, but he was too far from the colony to mount a rescue in time, and to be honest, his skills sucked. So Eva has lost her mother and her boyfriend since throwing in with us. And she continues to be melodramatic.

On the 3rd, I got to work on fitting our alternate freezer with coolers and fully building the kitchen. Our main freezer continues to be adequate, although I do not know how much longer it will continue to be so as we expand, and a tiny room only large enough to afford space for a single table with eight chairs is simply not enough at all for a colony supporting around forty individuals. While we were doing this, a strange fellow calling himself Badluck happened upon us and requested to join. We relented, and with a name like that, Badluck will only belong on the front lines or out hunting.

Things continued on in a mundane way for a couple days. I finished the new kitchen, and was starting to get a number of the new rooms ready and nearly functional. Then on the 6th, we were invaded by an army of cougars. Like, 22 of them. It was damn fine luck that no one was caught out in the open. As the writhing mass of teeth and claws amassed at our doorstep, I decided to allow Gustav a short mining expedition to gut out a rock of valuable glowstone. This was okay, as she was on the other side of the map, and the cougars by then only cared about beating down my door.

The northeastern entrance is reinforced with four steel doors. It took only a few hours for the twisted felines to destroy three of them. I took a bit of a risk. I arranged my shooters in single file near the door and had Eugene open it and invite the critters in. Our shooters were armed with state of the art laser tech and apb rifles left by the previous attackers, so we had an even chance of getting through this without sustaining injuries. Eugene opened the door and then fled in the direction of our defenders. Fighting broke out right after that, and the rng was kind; Eugene didn't get blasted once. The cougars on the other hand dropped like kindling. All 22 of them. Dead or downed in a matter of seconds. Most of them were on fire. Our hunters advanced to finish off the downed survivors, and Badluck, true to form, managed to accidentally set himself on fire. Rimworld outtakes.

Badluck was again injured on the 7th, this time by a pack of wild boars driven to rage by our hunting activities. Fortunately, he was bailed out of trouble by Sullivan and Rynyk.

On the 8th, Sebastian started throwing a tantrum and had to be arrested by Jen before he wrecked our new kitchen. Dweeb developed stress trauma on the 9th. Hanfy and Fox were married on the 10th. Everyone was there, except for Sebastian (who had been arrested and would need to be re-recruited) and hilariously enough, Fox (the bride, a night owl who had to be roused from bed once I noticed her absence!). During the pre-wedding party, Pederson tried to woo Coley by playfully making fun of her cooking skill, but Coley turned away. Tina experienced a go frenzy during the evening post-wedding celebration, and then everyone participated in a massive banquet in the new kitchen, which was really nice.

We purchased, among other things, a cool-looking schematic cabinet from some space slavers on the 11th of Aprimay. Sebastian rejoined us and got back to work building. We pulled a spacer named Joe from a transport pod. Joe objected and had to be shot down. A small but nevertheless ominous blight threatened one of the hydroponics bays, and Sullivan did an autopsy on the deceased Joe, recovering one of his feet and his dick. Of all the things to amputate...

On the 12th, I brought a plethora of metal grid flooring from more space traders. The flooring was perfect to be used in the new storage stockpile, and proved really fast to apply as well. Within merely a day, our builders had completely floored up the whole storage room.

A swarm of manhunting inferno beetles attacked on the 13th. Really, this was the first use our turrets had seen in quite some time (despite the rash of attacks at base). Bolstered by our new autocannon, which I installed quite some time ago, but which had not yet been field-tested, our line of turrets and firestarting guns sealed those beetles' fates before they could even fire a shot.

We recruited yet another prisoner, Finn, on the 14th, bringing our population up to something like 41. Also on the 14th, Khan received eye replacement surgery with an organ that had been sitting around in storage for quite some time. Her former left eye had a scar on it that had been causing our head researcher and senior colonist a bit of grief, and I decided to repay her service to us.

Given the state of our defenses, most of the threats we faced were minuscule in comparison to what Randy dropped on our heads late on the 14th. A psychic ship part crashlanded at the edge of our garden. Within base. This was seriously bad, and it was vital it be dealt with in as timely a manner as possible. On the other hand, I was also cognizant of past mech-involved disasters (the two deaths in the first mech crash, the loss of our wildpod in a friendly fire incident during the second), and knew it was important to plan everything down to the minutest detail.

I ordered our soldiers to carry our portable defenses to the site. Three firing rows, set far enough apart to give the mechs more than a single firing target to think about. Also turrets, to be powered by a clump of solar generators, which were a must anyway, since I'm planning for those to be part of an expanded power grid for the main housing section. And turrets. About five of them. Not wanting to recall them from the front lines, I had them built from scratch.

It was a tense moment, watching largely defenseless builders scamper around the cashed ship part while carrying building materials to and fro. I recalled an incident during a prior playthrough in which one of these things seemed to spawn mechs randomly without being shot at and held my breath as McConnell ate a simple meal while leaning back on the ship chunk. Everyone adjourned at the end of the 14th. I intended to get building finished on the 15th, after everyone had slept and fed. But we took too long; night fell again as we were finishing the generators for the turrets. Further complications arose when the ship sent out a psychic wave that transformed Monkey from a productive builder and defender to a drooling vegetable crippled by catatonia. We placed her in a medical bed and foraged onward.

This post ends on a cliffhanger, as this is when the season ends. Will we successfully defend the base from the impending mech invasion, or will this be the incident that reduces the colony to a scattered rubble of charred buildings and bodies? Will Monkey recover from her catatonia, or will she succumb to a life of having simple meals pushed down her throat by aggressive but well-meaning colonists? Tune in tomorrow for the answers to these and many other questions, same rim-time, same rim-channel!

[attachment deleted due to age]

The_Hat

#21
22nd Season: Jugust 5505

Where were we? Oh yes. Mechs. Stupid mechs. Preparations earnestly continued for our planned busting open of the mech ship part. But Randy Random wasn't cooperating. While colonists were still sleeping, getting ready for the big day that could potentially render them a statistic in the vast Rimworld multiverse, Randy threw a solar eclipse at us. This made our solar panels useless for the coming battle, and I was forced to take extra time to hook our guns up to the geothermal generator on the far side of camp.

The delay wasn't enough to impede us, and our turrets had access to electricity before noon of the 1st. I set up my soldiers in strategic positions around the site of the crash. Rubber, Biz and Coley were planted directly to the left of the mechs, with Hanfy, McConnell and Sullivan standing behind them, positioned in such a way that their shots would hopefully not assail their allies. Rynyk, Kaleun, Khan and Badluck were positioned below the turret, and I had Bolla, Jen and Von Schild reinforce them by surrounding the mechs at precise sniping positions.

It was time to open up this tin can...and pray.

So we lit 'er up, and earliest indications were actually extremely frightening, if not outright demoralizing. Two scythers. One assaulter. Two bashers (or whatever those close quarter melee experts are called). A flamebot. About two or three of those tiny robots. One centipede. And a bloody mammoth. The mammoth was the most pressing concern, and I had all snipers target that son of a bitch with suppressing fire, while Rubber, Biz and Coley hit it with everything they had. Everyone else shot at whatever they could hit.

The flamebot rapidly closed with one of our turrets and basically melted it into shrapnel, but was then easy prey for my gunners. The southern line managed to disable the two bashers seconds before they would have been pummeled to shit. McConnell was hit in the leg with a charge blast from the centipede, but things were going in our favor, albeit barely.

The mammoth was taking heavy damage, but was pressing it's assault, so much so that I had to call Rubber, Biz and Coley to regroup further back. Biz barely avoided being crushed by the monstrosity before taking flight out of range, which then turned its attention to Hanfy, McConnell and Sullivan.

Hanfy was struck by a charge blast, but then our snipers took out the mammoth. The scythers were down also, although it cost us two more turrets, and everyone then directed fire at the centipede, which hadn't much of a chance at this point. The assaulter fell immediately after. Overall, the battle went extraordinarily well. It's just a mighty fine spot of luck that the centipede wasn't equipped with an inferno cannon, or the outcome might have been completely different.

After what seemed like seasons of trying, Crouboa joined the team on the 3rd. Also on the 3rd, we were attacked by an overgrown drop pod. I considered letting it time out, as it crashed close to my defense grid and would periodically send out a cactipine that would inevitably get cut to ribbons automatically by my firing line. We were joined by more devilsheep, which I shall sell at the earliest available opportunity.

I sent Von Schild out to deconstruct the pod on the 4th, but the decision was ill-timed, and he ended up getting caught out in the open with only a sniper rifle to defend himself with and not enough time to shoot before the cactipine inevitably crawled up his leg and sank its teeth into Von Schild's soft, yielding neck. Luckily, Sullivan and Rynyk were there to lend assistance, however, the little bastard managed to scramble up Rynyk and bite her in the eye before it was killed.

On the 5th, builders completed a second row of batteries for the hospital wing, as I had noticed that the recent eclipse had really hurt our energy stockpile. Viper, a lesbian, pursued Coley by comparing her to a lovely rock, but Coley turned away. We captured a downed spacer named Coyote on the 6th (Xina barely managed to save her), and then something else awful happened. Gutworms. Sixteen of my colonists had gutworms. In fact the number would have been seventeen. I noticed Xina's name manifested on the initial list, but she was rendered immune because of her synthetic stomach.

The only saving grace was that 1) we had so much herbal medicine grown from hydroponics that we didn't have anywhere to put all of it, and 2) our core of builders was virtually untouched, with only Kidult and Cait getting sick. This allowed building of the permanent housing section to continue almost unaffected.

On the 7th, Dweeb went out and tamed the animus vox that was wandering at the edge of the map. We did this for the psionic mood boost the creature is supposed to be capable of. Also on the 7th, Dadoo became all hysterical over having been assigned to doctoring to help deal with the gutworm epidemic. Despite being a capable doctor, just the thought of handling another person's intestines makes her ill.

Giggles, outraged over being sick with gutworms, started throwing a tantrum and tried to destroy the room she was sharing with Smith on the 9th. I decided to really be a jerk by having Smith pacify her. Smith beat the bejeezus out of his melodramatic girlfriend, and then hauled her whiny ass to a medical bed.  Later on the 9th, a psychic wave rendered all of the squirrels on the map insane. Fortunately, there were only three to speak of. Rather than waste precious manpower on the wretched little things, I had Smith venture out on the morning of the 10th and beat up all three squirrels with his bare fists. Smith grabbed the first one and simply ripped its tail off, twisting the neck of a second before getting jumped by the third.

Later on the 10th, Coyote attempted to break out of her cell, but was downed by Kaleun. She would later develop a leg infection due to her injuries. Kaleun dragged Coyote back to bed, and, at a time when Coyote's life was in very real danger, immediately "offered Coyote a chance to have a discussion about walnut trees."

Fortune was smiling on us. It was a slow season for raids, and on the 10th, I noticed a 2-tile wide break in our northern wall, damage that I assume to have been caused by a hunting accident. Von Schild patched that thing up before the colony was overrun with horrid critters. Dweeb tamed a second animus vox, and the smoothing of the housing cave's walls continued on schedule.

Xina recruited Coyote to our cause on the 12th. Yay, another builder! By this time, many of the new colonist rooms were ready for habitation and only needed access to power, and we had finished building an alternate recreation room also. I plan to wire the existing rooms starting next season, before completing the rest.

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The_Hat

#22
Today, I thought I would try something a bit different, especially as I haven't finished running Septober 5505 as of yet. Welcome to "Meet the Colonists"! In this post, I will familiarize you with the surviving senior staff of the Compound. We'll begin with the elder stateswoman of my colony.



Narda Sullivan is unwaveringly cold and barren. Empathy and morals are foreign concepts to her. She does not care about the suffering of others; that said, she is dedicated to the defense and protection of the colony even as she harbors few relationships to the people therein, save only for her husband, Justin Ayala and sister Roberta Sullivan.

Upbeat in spite of her hostile demeanor, Sullivan enjoys her position of seniority in camp, electing to contribute by defending the colony and hunting. She shirks dumb labor, and when not giving commands or shooting things until they are dead, she can often be seen stitching together half-severed colonist limbs as one of our go-to medics.



Briana Furr, despite being a colony founder along with Sullivan, is an individual few can stand. The manner in which she wheezes when she breathes and sweats profusely just puts others off. A dreary character on any given day, "Khan" is a "glass is half empty" person, and never fails to point out something negative about a particular situation. There are many that resent her influence within the colony in spite of her young age.

As one of a select few colonists who have an amazing capacity to perform complex mathematical computations in her head, Khan is a chief researcher. Her empathy is demonstrated towards animals she tames, and her careful shooting offsets her relatively limited skill with a firearm.

The other thing about Khan is that she hates drugs, and is a leading voice in the ongoing crusade to abolish all harsh chemical substances from within the walls, a stance that has faced intense opposition from more laid-back members of the colony who view drug use as the best thing for everyone.



Lincoln is a nasty man with a contemptuous personality. His abrasive demeanor and natural aggression ensures he gets along with almost no one. A boisterous loudmouth, McConnell is also a lifelong arguer. He usually takes the glass is half empty approach, and has no patience for individuals he labels social justice warriors. As far as injustice, he recollects the night his mother was left to bleed out from wounds far away from the colony as the greatest injustice. Who knows, maybe the man plots all of our respective dooms. Even the doom of his lovely wife, fellow cook Xina Bullock.

One of our full time chefs, McConnell is a fan of bionics and robotics, and dreams of the day when he can proudly stride through our camp, more machine than man. His fixation on transhumanism is undoubtedly motivated by McConnell's own failing body. Lincoln is afflicted with cardiovascular and kidney disease, and experiences chronic pain from an old leg injury as well.



Mushinto is the resident camp self defense expert, and also in an expert in firearm usage. Although avowed as one of the camp's best shooters, he nevertheless prefers to shy away from any and all ranged weaponry, preferring the damage he can inflict with whatever blunt or sharp object is close at hand, including his own bare hands if need be.

A fitting example of brute force, Mushinto's aversion to guns is matched only by his slow-witted intellect. He is almost as slow afoot, and meanders from place to place almost in a state of perpetual oblivion.

Besides being an apathetic shooter, Mushinto has a college degree as an urbworld chef. Mushinto loves to create fabulous dishes. He enjoys eating them even more. It is almost as though he thinks eating will bestow upon him big brains.

Mushinto is involved in a straight marriage with his wife, Dawn, but identifies as bisexual.



One of our beloved pacifists, colonist Dawn preaches the nonviolent approach. When she is not doing that, the woman is one of our most reliable builders, especially how half our builders harbor injuries that negatively impact manipulation.

Always good-natured and easy to get along with, Dawn is married to her dim-witted brute of a husband, Mushinto. A quick sleeper and hard worker, Dawn is consistently one of the first colonists to get up in the morning, and often the last to go to bed at night. Her psychic deafness makes her less vulnerable to mental breaks than most, and her cultured intellect makes her among our most valuable colonists, in spite of her distaste for open conflict.



Virtually born to royalty, Gustav is the older sister of our leader, Narda Sullivan. Her close relationship with Narda ensures that the colony turns a blind eye to her cannibalism. Although not a friend of Khan, Gustav supports her hard-nosed drug stance, and is among the colony's best known teetotallers, although she rarely expresses her views.

In addition to her rampant cannibalism and dislike for drugs, Gustav is predominantly a lesbian. Indeed, Gustav is highly adventurous and recognizes few societal boundaries. Foul-mouthed, uncultured and impulsive, Gustav will generally follow whatever thought she has in a given moment. She is highly susceptible to psychic waves, and can transform from calm to nasty in less than a heartbeat.

The head miner of the colony, Gustav spends most of her time digging for steel in the mines, or cutting stone blocks and other curiosities in the quarry.



Eva Wade was leader here once; it didn't go over well. Amidst her regular bouts of histrionics, in which she would constantly seek reassurance that she was making the right decisions, Eva metamorphosized from an ambitious politician willing to do what it took at the start of her term to a shell of her former self by her term's end.

Highly cultured and deeply emotional, Eva stumbles around camp harboring a myriad of partially healed injuries, from an old arm injury to an unsightly lump of scar tissue on her forehead to a severed toe, the absence of which causes her to lurch slightly when she walks. Her injuries prevent her from being a reliable builder, but Eva Wade can certainly haul with the best of them.



An incredible cook, Xina spends most of her time working alongside husband McConnell in the kitchen. Preferring to stay indoors to running around outside, Xina is immune to mental breaks caused by cabin fever, and is generally pretty upbeat even in the worst of times.

A devout pacifist, Xina's views of world peace often clash with her husband's fantasies of running roughshod through base in a giant mech suit, but they reach common ground through their shared love of cooking. Her bisexuality doesn't offend him; McConnell is a massive nerd with heavily romanticized ideas of gay women. In addition to disliking violence, Xina also harbors notions of anti-drug crusades that she usually keeps to herself because she is not as outspoken as McConnell.

Xina's backup field is in medicine. Instead of taking lives on the battlefield, she saves them in the triage unit. According to legend, she performed the surgery to implant in herself a synthetic stomach, a surrogate organ that increases her gut's carrying capacity by 25 percent and also makes her immune to gutworms and other stomach-based maladies. In spite of that number, Xina remains svelte of figure due to her healthy dietary choices and lots of exercise running between the kitchen and the triage center.



Bolla hates women. I mean, he really abhors them. He is a prime example of a frustrated beta male in our colony, albeit one that is long in the tooth. As one of our base defenders, Bolla releases his pent-up frustration by shooting women on the battlefield. When not consigning himself to matters of defense or bitter ranting, Bolla keeps busy tending our crops, and, periodically, negotiating with traders.

Deeply logical-minded in spite of his contemptuous facial hair, Bolla is otherwise even-tempered, even cheerful. Although outspoken in his views of how the lopsided ratio of female-to-male colonists will drive this colony to its doom, Bolla continues to perform vital tasks. His planting expertise is foremost in our colony. As Bolla himself would imply, he plants a good seed.