Desert Rescue Mission! What could go wrong?

[Hans Lemurson]

I am in the desert, in a land with a 30/60 growing season.  I have 4 men and one married woman, and the constant wooing attempts are getting out of hand.  When a rescue mission comes for nearby maiden held captive by evil raccoons, I resolve that a sexy Demolition expert is exactly what my colony needs!

Kyle, my Brawler-Chef and Brock my Archer-Doctor are the perfect candidates for the mission.  They take our only elephant with them as a pack animal because I'm running low on feed (too hot for outdoor crops, not enough components for indoors), and I hope it can graze on the journey.  The trip out goes uneventfully, and when they arrive they are able to take out the raccoon problem.

They got rather scratched up, though, and it takes a while to get settled so that I can begin the rescue of Mel, the lovely maiden (who tbh was a bit chunkier than Kyle was imagining, but you can't be choosy in the desert).  After tending to her wounds I realize to my horror that unlike my pawns who are sporting well-made cotton dusters, Mel is wearing just normal clothes!  She can't take the heat, and is succumbing to heat stroke. 

Kyle attempts to construct a passive cooler in a small cave from the nearby saguaro wood, while Brock treat's Mel's extensive injuries.  Kyle fails at construction and has to gather more wood.  Brock goes berzerk from discomfort, Kyle fails to build the door to the cave, but manages to get it completed in time for Mel to die. 

Well, some rescue mission THIS is.

Brock passes out from the heat, preventing a messy fight, and is taken indoors in the cold to recover.  Kyle, having worked tirelessly all day in the heat while badly wounded finally snaps with a "Slaughterer" break and kills the pack-elephant.  Both manage to sleep through the night, and face the grizzly task of survival in the morning.

Resolving not to let this mission be a total loss, I gather all the Berries and Agave I can, butcher the raccoons and the elephant, and then pack up all the resources to journey home.  I can't take the wood since it would slow me down unacceptably, but elephant meat weighs a lot less than an elephant corpse!

Kyle and Brock make it back home but at the last moment are threatened by Tribesmen who demand the raccoon leather, some meat, and a sleeping roll in exchange for safe passage.  That's a bargain I'm willing to make at this stage.  The two make it back safely to my base in time for a Mechanoid raid.  It's just a single Lancer arriving south-west of my base, so I send my stay-at-home crew to man the south-bunker and wait.

I wait, but the Mechanoid doesn't show up.  It is sitting INSIDE MY NORTH BUNKER lying in wait for my expedition-members to cross the bridge.  I scramble my defenders to run north, sneaking up on the Lancer using a Barn as cover, while I just barely avoid leading Kyle into a trap.  He gets shot at, but I keep him running at max range and he is blessedly unscathed.  I am able to take the distracted Lancer by surprise with a good Melee pawn, and he is quickly beaten down.

Kyle and Brock are sent directly to the Freezer to dump their meat with mere hours until it would have rotted away.  My other colonists have been going hungry in the absence of their usual chef, and I have to restrain them from eating raw meat before he can cook it up.  Eventually everybody is fed and gets to bed without further incident.

In total, I ended up trading a partly trained elephant for a handful of fruit.  Given that I couldn't grow any more hay due to the excessive desert heat, I may have had to slaughter it anyways.  The real lesson is that heat is no joke, and you can't rescue somebody when you have to struggle just to stay alive.  I'm just glad nobody else died.  The one casualty of the mission, the kind and noble soul "Elephant 2", will have her memory honored at the colony's summer barbeque.