A Long Story turned Drug PSA!

[normansnoreman]

As of this point of me writing, I have had at least 200+ hours into Rimworld 1.0. I am not in the veterans category, but not noobish enough to qualify as a beginner, so I am at the weird lukewarm stage I suppose. Anyway, enough about that, time for the actual story!

  I find myself seeing similarites between Mount&Blade Warband and Rimworld, and the biggest similarity between the two is this: I have quite literally never played more than 10 hours on the vanilla game, and I can't sleep properly without my mod injection every week, that and both of these games require juicy juicy time, patience and grinding. With that being said, I decided that a medieval fantasy style campaign might be really fun for rimworld, and I was right! In case you were curious, the setting is basically if Jecrell had thrown all of his mods in a pot, chucked some Rimworld of Magic and goblins in there for good measure, and just a sprinkle of slavery, depravity, and quarry-mining, then you would get the setting. So after downloading a healthy 30-40 mods "totally worth the 10 minutes waiting to get into the game" I started a new campaign! I decided to go with the most acne-stained edgelord pawn you could imagine, his name was Farion and he "was" a half-elf necromancer, thrust into rocky mountains to survive naked, at least that is how our story begins.

  Farion, while being a fairly strong dude with a bow had a very VERY fatal flaw I did not foresee, he simply couldn't fucking bandage himself if his life depended on it! Knowing this, I decided to make a vow, I will only heal him 3 times through dev mode "yes it took me 200+ hours to FINALLY open dev mode", and after those 3 chances I would just let him die. So what followed was one of the most paranoid playstyles I have ever come up with. I made him mine into mountains when raiding a dwarven bandit camp, and build traps in the mountain to protect himself. That and many other cowardly tactics made me only have to heal him 2 times out of the 3 I promised. Eventually though things took a turn for the best as Farion learned how to raise the dead. Of course I decided to unbury the long since dessicated corpses of some drunk dwarves and unfortunate merchants to work for me now "did I mention Farion wasn't even a psychopath? So he hated every minute of it!".

With some basic zombies to do all sorts of labor for me,and  things were starting looking updead for Farion! A hop and a skip and a 6 hours of mindless grinding, fighting, and really cool but short moments from time to time, I then had finally set up a magical fortress within the mountain, with possibly the longest kill-box I have ever constructed, leading to it! The biggest goal I had at this point now was A:Become an sweaty lich, B:Obtain magical artifacts, C:Rule/Destroy the world for the heck of it "sorry mom!". I managed to turn Farion into a lich "only by this point did he become deranged, forget the 26 colonists and 13 enemy raids you butchered and killed!", and at this point everything was running smoothly for once. There were enough dumb animals to supply the fortress for months with dried meat, the elder gods smiled upon Farion by tolerating our feeble attempts at rituals, and I had made some dope valiants armor for Farion to don on!

So with all of this good news and cheer "and the many innocents that weren't zombies were then made into standard protocol socks", your probable wondering why I want to make this gruelingly long story titled "A Drug PSA", well little timmys and tynans, allow me to ellaborate! So it was just a normal morning, the stakes at the gate had the required amount of heads placed onto them, the zombie T-Rex had just eaten the leader of the elves in their attempts to siege Fort Fucket, and general human misery was at standard performance quality! But all of a sudden, something worse than an infestation, zombie horde, and a raid happened "yes during this playthrough all of that happened at the same time, but not now!"... A MAGIC DRAIN!!! Basically why this is a problem is because zombies run off of magic, no magic means no zombies, and no zombies means no labor done, and seeing how Farion's jaded ass can't be bothered to do his own dumb labor anymore, that would mean trouble! "that and I didn't want to lose t-bones the trex!" Thankfully the harvests went well this year, and we managed to gather quite the bit of mana potions to drink. So Farion went to chug like a madman on that blue sky quality manameth, and before he knew it he had a major drug overdose on mana. Now this had happened before, and because of his lichiness, he could walk off most injures and be fine, so I suspected nothing. Now I was suspecting that after this ordeal, I might get stopped down the line by some drunk dwarves, self-righteous paladins, or just by an infestation that levels Fort Fucket, and then be satisfied. And then that's when Farion puked in the upright position, and died in his bed made of human suffering, leading all of the undead in the base to crumble to ash... and 11 hours in, the Limbo Legion had come to a crashing end.

So remember kids, always stay in drugs, but don't eat before hopping in and do it for only for about 30 minutes, otherwise your necrotic empire might just backflip on itself thanks to you being a junkie!

[Deer87]

Okay... what the HECK did I just read?!?!?

Quite entertaining though

[SusanLane]

Nice one.