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[HatesYourFace]

I walled off my whole base, leaving a single tile opening in the walls. I figured raiders will come through that and immediately meet lead death from my turrets and fortified colonists. Yay!

I wasn't paying too much attention, and soon the mental break alerts started to go off. I check on the unlucky colonists. They're just standing around outside my walls. Not moving, but slowly going crazy. WTF?

I draft one and tell him to move into the base. "No path." Huh?

Oh... there's a cactus growing right in the doorway. It happened to pop up right when half my colony was outside the walls for some reason. Unable to find their way back in, they just stopped moving and waited to go mad.

Some quick work with the Deconstruct command and I was back in business. A couple of colonists didn't make it back in time and I had to arrest them, but it was an easy time convincing them to rejoin the fold. I paved the crap out of the doorway area after that.

Lol, same thing happened to me with a tree...I was going nuts! "Get in the EFFING base you stupid miserable colonists! What in the bloody hell is wro- Oh...It's a tree." I've also had this happen with sandbag fortifications, with trees or cactus's growing in them when your not paying attention, Then you go to throw some colonist's behind them and they won't go! Lol.

It pays to pave!

[Tynan]

This thread is just pure gold. I'm stickying this bad boy.

[Fruit loops]

I had now survived my 3rd year with the same colony I celebrated with some lavish meals. out of my 25 or so colonists my only non violent colonist had been discovered as a traitor as we were eating our meal so I sent my men to make fast work of her yet she survived so I captured her after about 3 weeks I finally re-recruited her like seconds after I recruit her a raid with high value pawns and quite a few of them drop in my base everybody on the outside is killed except the former traitor she was incapacitated the raiders all start beating down my door to the interior with the few seconds I have left I ready my men for them to come in suddenly a bunch of them walk away to lite things on fire and other things the 5 raiders still beating down the door are the most GEARED OUT BASTARDS known to man miniguns and armored vest with at least 15 shooting and 10 melee each (LIKE WTF SEAL TEAM 5) I retreat my men as they kill 2 and incapacitated 3 one of the raiders kidnaps the traitor the minigunners push my people back even more as the raiders kidnap the 3 incapacitated that lie a room a way
why they finally are all gone my entire exterior part of my base was burned to the ground
2 of my colonist were arrested and not allowed to eat to save the rest of the people (they burned my crops plus my hydroponics were blighted away at like .1 before harvest....)they died from malnutrition and one guy going insane and killing the other. I don't know but the traitor was originally from the faction who were the raiders did he have secret information or something because they have some pretty big connections -_-
anyways every since year 3 day 21 we have drafted everyone and toke them to the colonist graveyard for those who just plain out died and I leave them there tell a mental break warning then they come to the mess hall and eat a lavish meal every January 21 and I never capture traitors if they are incapacitated I melee them to death on the ground >
anyways that was pretty funny to me lel

[muffins]

Back in alpha 4 I had the "brilliant" idea to use human flesh for meals since I was always running out of meat and there was piles and piles of raider corpses out in my dumping zones. At the time I was tunnelling very deeply and very extensively into the mountain in search of metal. I was mining from map edge to map edge so my pawns were spending a lot of time walking through narrow, dark, hideous tunnels to the current mining zone.

For the first day everything seemed fine, then I started getting warnings of imminent mental breaks. Lots of them. The tunnels were so long that people were getting tired and hungry just commuting to and from the mining site. The -15 to mood from cannibalism was just enough to cause everyone who went down those tunnels to start to lose it. Something like 15-20 colonists risked imminent mental breaks over the course of 10 minutes or so, and I was frantically conscripting and unconscripting people so they would abandon their current job and get some food and rest.

Then two of my best and most skilled colonists (Ritter and Keuneke) lost it and went on a psychotic rampage deep in the tunnels. They were armed with the best weapons in the colony. I ordered people away from the area, forbade everything in the tunnels and put guards in the populated area of the colony, expecting a blood bath. As it happened, as chance would have it, on the very edge of the populated area, they both turned into the same tunnel and faced each other over a short distance, with the best, and most deadly, weapons in the colony ...



... which they used as clubs ...

Ritter was knocked unconscious in the melee by the larger Keuneke, who was in turn beaten into submission by the guards. I ordered them both arrested and shut down my cannibal production line before anyone else went nuts. Relieved that I hadn't lost anyone, I did a quick check of the colonists and found that one more, Zeppy, had gone nuts and was wondering the wastes. When the guards found her, she was totally oblivious to the squirl that was attacking her.

Ritter and Keuneke I managed to re-recruit after only a few days. Zeppy however took many, many weeks to recover from the horror of being fed human flesh. My wardens were reporting that Zeppy just paced around her cell all day, muttering "They made us eat people ... they made us eat people ..." over and over again.

I dumped all the unused human flesh outside the colony in the end.

[Sepkan]

This thread is just pure gold. I'm stickying this bad boy.

Never realized it would get this far! Wow!

[UrbanBourbon]

Let's take a closer look at Candice. She is A) prone to anger, B) gullible (and already hilarious at this point) but then she's C) incapable of violence! In my mind she's a more vulgar version of Daffy Duck, who gets fits of (non-violent) rage... with a lisp.

"Yooou thonth of a bitheth. I'll thfucking kill all of you bathdardth for thif outrage. Headth will roll."

Oh, did you know that the word 'gullible' isn't in any English dictionary?

[attachment deleted by admin: too old]

[mikeash]

I bought a slave. His backstory lists adulthood as "medieval doctor". His short-form profession that shows up next to his name is "Quack". For skills, he is incapable of medicine.

I guess I should be happy he knows enough not to try his quackery on my other colonists.

[UrbanBourbon]

Earlier today...

I was minding my own business when I get a notification of a squirrel going mad. I never bat an eye to these specific "warnings" so I forgot about it as soon as I saw it. A moment goes by and then I hear a mysterious faint boom and I get a notification of a collapsed roof.

"Uh oh..."

I start looking around wondering what the source could be. Nope, wasn't anything I built. All my houses are intact. At that point I connect the explosion sound to the recent mad squirrel warning.

"Did the squirrel attack a boomrat? That'd be a first one... Also that doesn't explain the collapsed roof... Probably."

I scroll and pan and scroll and watch, getting increasingly bothered for not seeing anything out of place... Then, I see some mysterious dead muffalos, at least three of them. I sure as hell didn't kill them. Click muffalo corpse. It's fresh. Definitely something just happened here. Around the muffalo corpses is a visible large clearing. No grass, no human corpses, no weapons. Nothing. You have to understand, my map is littered with corpses and guns. Something really big must've blown up there.

"OH SHEESH! AAAHAHAHAHA!"

That is the point when I remember that that spot had a siege party at one point, and the raiders left behind a whooole bunch of mortars that I never could be arsed to destroy. I guess the damn squirrel had attacked a mortar and set off a cataclysmic chain explosion that killed the muffalos and destroyed some of the nearby mountain, enough to cause a collapse. And all I heard from that blast of epic proportions was a cute little "boomf".

("Did a boomrat just starve to death?")

[EscapeZeppelin]

I was trying to seal off a small cave I had dug and noticed that my builder was starving because she'd walled herself up. I quickly had her deconstruct it and off she went to get food and I ordered the wall finished. After eating she calmly came back and walled herself up again. At this point I was getting annoyed so I freed her had all the bricks collected and designated another colonist to complete the work. Sure enough they wander over and quickly seal themselves into a wall. Must have been a really cozy little spot.

[Dr. Z]

@UrbanBourbon

For the future, you can click on most events and then on "jump to location" or something like that, don't know if it works with collapsed roofs but it might be worth a look.

Although I must admit that the story got even better with the mysterious factor.

[UrbanBourbon]

@UrbanBourbon

For the future, you can click on most events and then on "jump to location" or something like that, don't know if it works with collapsed roofs but it might be worth a look.

Although I must admit that the story got even better with the mysterious factor.

Yes, I know. The location finder is included in them. But I've instinctively developed a habit to r-click all roof collapse messages (=delete). Of course that doesn't stop me from regretting their deletion instantly afterwards, like in this case. It all happens so quickly - the message, r-click, regret, forget.

[Dr. Z]

Seems familiar...

[Neurotoxin]

For me, it happened today.


Emmie, the vatgrown sexslave who is incapable of violence and has an insatiable bloodlust.


Screenshot below: this was early game and I didn't have a lot of resources available, thus the tiny prison.



This picture, to me, is full of comedy gold.

[Lost Cause]

I had visitors to my colony when it was really small. I only had 5 people and 1 captive enemy, so naturally there were about 30 of my allies people visiting and they went right into the middle of it. 5 of them breaking off from the main group and heading into my prison where upon they set upon the only guy in there starting to beat him to death.
Sadly I hadn't stripped him and he was good at close combat. He took 2 of the 5 down before falling himself and the other 3 turned around walked out of the room and then they all started to go crazy.
This triggered crossfire where all the people in the room would suddenly turn on one person and blow them to bits. Sadly this happened in the middle of my base and my farmer took a stray bullet. BOOM, off goes his right leg and he's down. I send in the nearest colonist to rescue him, my doctor. BOOM. my doctor looses his left leg X.x
I am left with 3 workable colonists and no idea how to deal with my guests when all of a sudden BOOM. my mortars explode... That solved the guest problem and wiped out my front wall. It also caused their faction to turn on me X.x
So after they killed my prisoner, permanently crippled 2 of my colonists and destroyed my mortars and ripped a huge hole in my exterior wall the buggered declare war on me...
There are no words to describe how much I hate my allies.

[UrbanBourbon]

I'm not sure if that's more sad than funny. I'm guessing you play on Randy Random. I noticed in Alpha 5 that visitor groups on Randy are huge compared to other AIs. Visitors are a total liability which eventually made me wall off my base after I started getting 30+ visitors. The bastards even eat all my (forbidden) emergency rations that I keep in rooms!

Benson: "Johs... Hey, Johs! Check this guy out. Look. Is he breathing? Oh man, he's been hurt pretty badly. Probably can't even talk with all that bandage wrapped around his head. Oh, he's awake. What's he pointing at? Something on the t--- Ah. Wellwellwell, what do we have here. A pristine Packaged Survival Meal. Hey, thanks man. That's me - always in mood for some snack."

Johs: "I think he's trying to say he's hun--"

Benson: "Johs, these guys are awesome. Guy's been shot half to death and he's still being hospitable and offering something to eat. Oh man, we're totally stopping by again later."