Cassandra's War On Drugs

[DuckBoy]

DuckBoy:  Cassandra, would you tell me a story?

Cassandra:  Sure DuckBoy, did you ever hear the story of Lil Libby? 

DuckBoy:  No, tell me!

Cassandra:  Lil Libby grew up on a Glitterworld, far, far away from here.  She was very kind, and very hardworking.  She always dreamed of leaving her home, and flying out to see the galaxy.  So she worked very, very hard, and finally, at the age of 42 she had scrounged up enough money to buy a one way ticket. 

Cassandra:  She landed on a Rimworld, just like ours.  It was her lifelong dream.  She got right to work.  She put up solar panels, planted potatoes, and pretty little bed to sleep in.  That first night, she slept staring up the stars. 

Cassandra:  The next morning Lil Libby took a single pill, called Wake Up, so she could work even harder.  Then she had a heart attack and died.  The End. 

DuckBoy:  Wha...  Whaat?

Cassandra:  I Said, SHE HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED!!

DuckBoy:  Bu But...

Cassandra:  Sleep tight! 

[AN7AG0NIS7]

Heh! That made me laugh.

I love how sadistic Cassandra can be, but I don't like how she's so predictable. And Randy's supposed to be random but he's been really nice to me for the past 4 in-game years.. I ship Cassandra/Randy and they should have a sadistic and unpredictable baby!

[eadras]

That's a great story, actually.  Cassandra has a subtle sense of irony.

[milon]

+1, would read more Cassandra bedtime stories 

[Thyme]

+1, would read more Cassandra bedtime stories 

-exp(i*pi())

[hoffmale]

+1, would read more Cassandra bedtime stories 

-exp(i*pi())

o.O why is i a constant, but pi isn't? (sry for offtopic)

[Thyme]

mhm, it is. I'm used to writing it that way because excel demands it. So:
-e^i*pi

Sorry for offtopic, I can give you potatoes via Phi!

[Lord_Orion]

Cassandra is quite a cruel mistress giving lung cancers to all my little pot heads.

[milon]

+1, would read more Cassandra bedtime stories 

-exp(i*pi())

o.O why is i a constant, but pi isn't? (sry for offtopic)

Pi is usually thought of as a constant, but it can actually vary depending on how you define a line:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ineO1tIyPfM&t=530s


On topic - Randy's stories are (from a story telling standpoint) often hit-or-miss, but sometimes they're just as good as Cassandra's.  Like this one:

milon: Randy, tell me a story about people surviving in the cold!

Randy: There once was a ship that exploded in outer space.  Almost everyone died in the near-absolute zero conditions.

milon: Randy...

Randy: But there were three people who survived.  They jumped into escape pods and landed on the polar ice cap of the nearest planet.  They were tired, so they built a shelter and beds.  I blessed them with insomnia so they could work through the night.

milon: Well that was mean of you.

Randy: They were cold, so I blessed them with Zzzt!! creating fire and heat.

milon: Randy!

Randy: They were hungry and out of food, so I sent them over a hundred units of canned meat.

milon: Canned meat?  Did you mod something??

Randy: No, of course not!  Remember those people who died in the exploding ship?

milon: 

[RemingtonRyder]

Phoebe, tell me a story where nobody dies in a raid!

Phoebe: A long time ago, on a rimworld far away, a settlement called Nightingale was born. The people there worked hard and built a wall to keep the raiders at bay. Every now and then the people of Nightingale would form a band of travellers who would take to the road and trade with a neighbouring town of outlanders, but they would always return.

Marvin: Phoebe, this is sort of boring.

Phoebe: Okay! Well, the people of Nightingale, as wealthy as they were, could afford to set aside a small plot to grow smokeleaf. Two people in particular, named Iris and Alligator, would regularly smoke the rolled-up leaves to ease their worries.

Marvin: Her name was Alligator?

Phoebe: That's right. And one day, Alligator got sick. She would cough blood. And Iris got the wheezes. Alligator gave up the smokeleaf there and then, but she and Iris still craved the high that it gave them.

Marvin: Did they get better?

Phoebe: Not exactly. Let's remember that medicine is a relatively new thing to the people of Nightingale. Sooooo, let's see here... Alligator dies during surgery to remove her lung cancer, and Iris spends the next season or two in solitary banging on the door or wandering around crying about needing a fix of smokeleaf.

Marvin: ... *single tear*

Phoebe: Did I mention that these guys are still growing smokeleaf? Consequences!

[GiantSpaceHamster]

Nice story, thanks =)

[XeoNovaDan]

This thread should be called 'Storytime with Storytellers'

Edit: Here's an abridged story of my signature

Cassandra: Did I ever tell you about that Extreme Desert colony?

XeoNovaDan: No?

Cassandra: It all started with three people... their ship was under attack; but they were lucky enough to escape with a few supplies

XeoNovaDan: Yes?

Cassandra: They then crashlanded on an Extreme Desert, and started building structures

XeoNovaDan: Alright, tell me more

Cassandra: They were doing well for themselves. They had glorious gravel-grown potatoes, a good charge rifle, defeated the ancient danger, had some bunkers, plenty of wealth, and they were thriving on delicious nutrient paste... but they didn't wall in.

XeoNovaDan: Oh, what happened then?

Cassandra: As they were expanding their base to get proper bedrooms and a giant dining/freezer area which'll last them for the rest of their years on this planet, I figured I'd send a toxic fallout.

XeoNovaDan: That's not much! Toxic Fallouts are easy!

Cassandra: I know, so I sent a manhunter pack of 29 boars, versus the 11(?) people in that colony. They were holed up in the freezer for about 2 days at this point, and they were starting to go insane and have violent mental breakdowns. I figured I'd make one go into a psychotic state and step outside...

XeoNovaDan: Finally some excitement!

Cassandra: During all that chaos, I also made a Zzzt happen which severed the geothermal power connection from the colony, and the fire spread to take out the remainder of their electricity too. As this one colonist wandered out into the mass of boars, the rest of the people followed suit and started throwing frag grenades and spraying bullets... they successfully took down the boars, and 5 of themselves too.

XeoNovaDan: Oh dear, that's terrible! What happened afterwards?

Cassandra: Well, the fire was spreading to the declining potato stock as they died from poison in the air, so they had no more food coming in. I figured I'd also start a volcanic winter just for the fun of it; make things as ridiculously hard as possible for the colony. People were starting to go insane, and also develop infections. I figured I'd send a siege too, in a bid to put them out of their misery

XeoNovaDan: Cassandra, yo' evil. How well did the colony do against the siege?

Cassandra: Despite there only being 6 colonists left versus 9(?) siegers, the colony still somehow managed to repel the siege with little trouble. Too little too late though, as people started to go insane again and infection started to further set in.

XeoNovaDan: Did they make it through?

Cassandra: No. Everybody was infected at this point, apart from one person. I figured I'd make that person go on a psychotic wander, and they got arrested. There was only one other person left at that point, as everybody else succumbed to infection - and she was next. She died, prisoner starved, the end.

XeoNovaDan:

Cassandra: Best thing was that I was only being 'Intense' on the colony, instead of 'Extreme'!

[hoffmale]

Randy: Hello my friend, welcome to another game of "Rich Explorer". Here, have a look at the map!
Me: Oh, nice! Hmm... There's a really good spot for founding a colony, enclosed by mountains with only 2 entrances, 2 geothermal vents inside and a large plot of rich soil. Too bad it's nearly halfway across the map from my landing point. Oh well, let's start hauling!
Randy: Good choice! However, since we'll probably spend some years of in-game time with each other, let's see what type of relationship you want (also, your pawn seems a bit lonely). Here, have a thrumbo and a raider with an incendiary launcher. Let's see if you're more of the cuddly or violent type!
Me: Dang, can't have that raider reach my stockpile. I'll have to stop him!

[Seconds of fierce fiery shootout later, during which the raider managed to die on self-inflicted burns]

Randy: Seeing your bravado, the thrumbo spontaneously self-tames. Damn, this isn't working out as planned :/
Me: Well, I'll need my pawn to rest up. Better make her build a bed beforehand!


Randy (after the pawn has finished building the bed): You know, she looks kind of adorable in that bed...
Me: So?
Randy: It would be a shame if she'd never be able to leave if again. (Your pawn has gotten a disease: plague)
Me: Love you too, Randy

[Side note: Colony death on day 3 due to new disease mechanics in A16. Heck, even my less fortunate Sea Ice Challenge tries took longer than that!]

[Shurp]

Randy: No, of course not!  Remember those people who died in the exploding ship?

LOL!

Sounds like someone has been playing Sea Ice Challenge too long!

[Slimy_Slider]

Posting because this thread is awesome and it should be continued.

Slimy: Tell me a story please Randy!

Randy: I'll tell you a tale of the great warrior of The Colony, Lumi.

Slimy: Oooh, exciting.

Randy: One day, an adventurous woman named Baldwin decided to delve deep into the caverns of a Rimworld, to discover the previously unknown secrets within. Not long after she settled a rudimentary base, another woman by the name of Lumi joined her. Lumi was a great fighter, with a high skill in shooting and she took up the precious charge rifle and began to hunt for The Colony, when she wasn't busying herself hauling things. She was the great leader of the settlement's defence force, defeating raid upon raid of pirates, tribals and villainous scum. A captured suit of power armour made her a beacon of hope for the others and as the research progressed towards bionics, she prepared to become a god.

Slimy: Wow, she sounds amazing.

Randy: She was very impressive, so I decided she had to die in a suitably impressive and fitting way.

Slimy: Lemme guess, you made her fight a heroic last stand against an army of rabid boomrats or fight hand to hand against a scyther, or sacrifice herself to put out a fire that would have burned the entire colony, or wait...

Randy: I sent a raid of medieval warband members. One of them was mounted on a mole and so reached the defensive line well before his allies, a line of steel walls and steel parapets to lean over. The first shot from this level 4 shooting raider with an awful arbalest went straight into Lumi's brain and she died instantly. The end.

Slimy: ...Or you could do that. Seems kind of lame and

Randy: IT WAS PERFECTLY REASONABLE.