The Chronicles of TOWN

[murlocdummy]

Here lie the chronicles of the settlement known as TOWN.  As the leader of TOWN, I have seen it fit to have the settlement's records saved on this disk.  I hope that it will be of use to someone, someday.

Everything began after suddenly awakening from our Longsleep Sarcophagi.  Alarms blaring, our first instinct was to locate the Starship Janitor to determine what was happening.  To our horror, we found her dead.  She apparently spilled coffee on the main console.  In an attempt to clean it up, she slipped and hit her head on the "Self Destruct" button.  In her embarrassment, she committed seppuku.

Because none of us were able to disable the self-destruct, we were forced to abandon ship.  Outside of my drop pod window, I could see my former home exploding in a massive fireball.  Considering the fact that I had been in the drop pod for only a few minutes at that point, I feel that it was a wise decision to not go back for my pet microsaur.  Rest in peace, Toothy.  Rest in peace.

The fireball was huge.  I don't think that anyone could have possibly survived that.  Maybe we should've spent the extra 500 Credits and purchased a spaceship that wasn't a Liandri Explodemax Kamikaze Vessel.  On second thought, we really did enjoy those vintage Firefly Viddisk volumes.  It was totally worth it.



Jan 1, 01
Upon arriving, we decided to divide up the tasks amongst us.  We gave ourselves nicknames based off of the escape pods that we used to escape the ship.  Being the most cowardly, we were the first ones off of there.  I get the feeling that we should have opened up the other sleep pods before absconding, just as a common courtesy.  I guess it's a little too late for that.

Due to a lack of an established dating system on this world, we decided to arbitrarily assign today Jan 1 in our HUD computer. 



Looking around, I saw that there was a steam geyser next to the mountain we landed next to.  TWO was able to procure some blueprints from the ship's computer before we escaped.  One of them detailed the construction methods for a geothermal generator.  It's a good thing that matter fabricators are standard issue in survival kits these days.  They're just a such pain to charge, though.  I remember the first time I used one with my grandpa while we were out hiking in the forest continent.  My arms were sore for days after that.

[murlocdummy]

Jan 7, 01

We have set up a fairly decent camp next to this cliff face.  The ship dropped a rather large amount of field rations around the area, ensuring that we'll have enough food to survive.  Also, we have voted, 3 to 0.5 in favor of naming this settlement TOWN.  THREE had some misgivings regarding voter fraud during the election, but we were able to prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that he's a dumbass.



Jan 9, 01

Out of boredom, we got the bright idea to find out what it was like to punch ourselves in the face.  On a positive note, we increased our endurance immensely by doing so, allowing us to take 50% more bullets than we used to.  Don't ask me how I know that.



Jan 11, 01

We decided to move to the larger building that we were constructing.  It was originally planned to be our main storage of critical supplies, like microsaur food and chalk BB gun pellets, but THREE wanted to turn the place into a main industrial building.  TWO seemed a little too eager to agree with him, but I tallied the votes for this decision, and it won with a landslide 2 to -34.  I was a little unsure about the results, but computers don't lie, right?

Oh yeah, and some guy named Khan randomly walked straight up to us and demanded to join us.  I'm sure he's not dangerous at all, even though none of us have ever met him before today, and he happened to know exactly where we were going to crash land.  I mean, he has this giant "I'm not a raider" tattoo on his arm.  The "not" is even highlighted, like with a big yellow highlighter, and it's even written above "raider" so that you know that he's *not* a raider.  He's definitely legit.  No doubt about it.



Jan 13, 01

We checked out our local communications radar and were able to determine that Khan's name is a racial epithet in one of the nearby tribes and a local town.  We're not sure how that happened, but we suspect it may have something to do with this photo that he carries around showing him stabbing a tribesman and a townsperson with a large stick over a crag.



Jan 14, 01

Things are starting to look up as our farm is well under way.  We thought about growing genetically modified potatoes, but we realized that those taste terrible.  Khan wanted to grow roses, since he likes roses and butterflies, and peace, and not raiding, but we decided against that since all of those also taste terrible.
We eventually settled on genetically modified strawberries.  We replicated some seeds, and now my arms are tired.  I don't know why we couldn't just connect our matter replicators to our solar power source.  Sure, TWO said that it would cause a massive explosion that would destroy us and everything in a 2km radius, but my arms hurt, damnit!



Jan 15, 01

Someone fell out of the sky on a drop pod today.  The guy was incapacitated, so someone had to haul his fat ass back to camp.  We stuck him in the little storage room we were keeping.  I hope he doesn't get into our supply of microsaur feed.  We'll really need that stuff when we eventually find microsaurs and tame them as our pets.  I really miss Toothy, but I'm sure that I'll find a much better replacement.  Having THREE pretend to be a microsaur and do tricks just isn't the same.

[Telkir]

THREE definitely sounds like a douche. Methinks you'd be wise to keep an eye on him...

(I like it so far )

[murlocdummy]

Feb 3, 01

We've been trying to convince Karo for the past few days that if he doesn't eat food, he'll starve to death.  He's been reluctant to believe that.  We resorted to giving him some informational pamphlets on the importance of not dying.  TWO thinks that "Not Dying For Dummies" isn't enough and will be doing a presentation on the benefits of not dying later today.

Another guy dropped out of the sky today.  We named him Doug.  He protested, saying that his name was actually Steve, but that's what we love about Doug.  He's so funny.



Feb 6, 01

It's raining men!  Another drop pod paid us a visit.  We decided to name him Turtle, since he was so slow to get up.  And by slow I mean he didn't.  We had to haul his fat ass over to the holding pen reeducation center.  I don't know why they arrive injured.  Maybe the fact that they didn't buckle their seat belts has something to do with it.  Or maybe it's the fact that their drop pods are actually stasis pods from the exploded ship.  Either way, they're contributing to the food shortage here.  If it were up to THREE, we'd be having some Turtle soup right about now.



Feb 8, 01

It looks like TWO's presentation worked out.  Karo and Turtle decided that not dying was the way to go and joined our settlement.  They were a little hesitant at first, especially Turtle, who still doesn't like his name, but they finally relented when I offered them some microsaur treats.  It was quite a loss for us, but I think that it was worth it.

[murlocdummy]

Feb 9, 01

Raider attack!  A squadron full of raider attacked the settlement today.  We prepared our defenses and steeled ourselves for the coming battle with the raider.  Though we cannot know the true outcome, I hope for victory this day.



The raider initiated their attack with fervor, engaging our field of poverty grass with all their strength.  The poverty grass put up a fight, but was no match for the raider's shoes.  Rest in peace, poverty grass.  We shall avenge you.



The raider fought us with bullets, but we countered with a much more powerful weapon:  our fists.  Turtle successfully blocked a bullet with his fist, commenting later "Ow, shit that hurts!"  I reminds me of that time I got painful, explosive diarrhea from eating bad berries.  Never have such words been so true.



After beating his face in, we put the raider in our torture chamber reeducation center.  Maybe he'll repent for harming the poverty grass.  And Turtle's fist.  But mostly the poverty grass.  I'm sure that he'll enjoy his new home soon enough when he joins us.  Join us.  Join us.  Join us.

[murlocdummy]

Feb 13, 01

Gizmo decided that not dying was the best course of action and decided to join the settlement.  It was a tough decision, especially with his love of being beaten in the face, but he had to give that up in favor of more productive activities, like digging caves or cleaning dirt off of dirt.  On an unrelated note, THREE has been somewhat aggravated that someone has been cleaning up his dirt collection.  We're not entirely sure what he's been doing with all of the dirt he collects, but we started to become worried when he stares at it for hours, with a wide grin on his face.  He really should get a normal hobby, like my rock collection.  Yes, Mr. Pebbles.  They'll soon see how right you are.  Just like Stalagmite did, theyy'llee seeee howww rigghtt youuuuu arrrrrrrrrrrrre



On an unrelated note, a boomrat had explosive diarrhea after getting into some of our precious microsaur food.  It was making such a mess that we had to kill it.  We tried shooting at the ground and walls around it, but that didn't work, so TWO had the great idea of force-feeding it gunpowder.  Using the power of science, he used the nearby makeshift turret as the feeding mechanism.  In the end, the boomrat exploded.  None of us could explain how it happened.



Feb 15, 01

Doug still has not relented in not wanting to die.  Our methods of torture, enhanced interrogation, having THREE sing,  reeducation have been slow, but I think they're working.  At least, Doug hasn't tried to kill himself for three consecutive hours, which is definitely great progress.
Also, our new cave apartments are doing rather well.  We should have some decent rooms to live in in no time with the help of Turtle.  He's been digging furiously since he officially declared that he wanted to join us.  None of us are quite sure why he likes digging so much, but THREE was able to restore his dirt collection rather quickly.  He's built a little shrine made out dirt in the shape of Turtle on the edge of the farm.  It's

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[tommonius]

wow! I really like this story, great humor. Kept me entertained and I oh so pouted when I reached the end. Here is to hoping you update it.

[theapolaustic1]

Loving your style of writing, keep it up please.

Loving ONE and THREE's antics. TWO sounds like a dick.

Hopefully Turtle warms up to the group. I'm interested in learning more about his past, hopefully that comes out later.

[Bog]

My birthday's coming up on Feb 22. Hopefully it'll have something interesting happen, like a super early mechanoid raid.

[murlocdummy]

Mar 5, 01

Our cave apartment is finally starting to look like a cave apartment.  Khan wanted it to look like a frilly dress designer's shop with flowers and pink drapes.  We considered the idea, but it turns out that pink drapes aren't structurally sound and are prone to lighting on fire.  We also began installing beds in each room.  For some reason, bedsheets are being replicated with cog designs on them.  I have a feeling that it's related to the reason why the  pink drapes aren't structurally sound and highly flammable when you install them into the walls of a cave.



Mar 6, 01

Today, we acquired a new follower, indentured servant, brutally tortured manual slave who joined us immediately after landing here.  But more to the point, Khan is naked.  He's been naked for months, and today TWO pointed that out.  We all suspected something was a little off about him when he first arrived and he wasn't wearing a jacket, like the rest of us, but none of us could put our finger on it.  We should probably get him something to wear, especially since none of us are sure how he's carrying a weapon and a door key without any clothes.  Turtle thinks that he's using his rock-hard asscheeks to wield them, but I think that it's actually his strong, verile abs that glisten in the sunset, sheen with his illuminating sweat after a hard, succulent day of work, reflecting the evening sun's radiance and majesty all across his smooth, awe-inspiring skin.  The strength of his godlike shoulders and bulging arms only captivating the eye further as he flexes his biceps, beautiful brown hair flowing in the wind.

Or maybe it is his asscheeks, I'm not sure.  Oh yeah, Veronica is also naked.  We should do something about that or something.



Also, we sold Doug.  He wasn't being very useful with his insistence that we kill him, so we sold him to slavers.  They beamed him up and dumped some much needed silver on us, crushing a boomrat.  We spent a few minutes picking up the pieces of exploded silver shrapnel.  I've never understood why boomrats always explode intact.  I assume it has to do with their diet, which form the vast majority of the explosive debris that they leave behind.  Also, the silver smells like diarrhea.  It's silver, so nobody's complaining.



Mar 7, 01

We finally completed the cave apartment.  It comes with amenities like a pool for urinating in and beds.  The beds are not for urinating.  Probably.



Mar 11, 01

Due to reasons beyond my comprehension, Khan insisted that we build a second cave apartment.  Because of new advances in our medical technology from me sitting around a computer terminal all day, we have discovered the importance of computer pornography.  Also, we discovered how to make medical beds out of the medkits that have been falling from orbit.  None of us are really sure how that's supposed to work, but it does.  The beds smell a little like burnt medkits that have fallen out of orbit, but they're comfortable, being made mostly out of metal and atmosphere-roasted bandages.

[murlocdummy]

Apr 1, 01

TOWN is one big, happy place, now.  At least, I think it's a big, happy place.  I don't know.  I've been working on exciting new research projects for the past couple of weeks.  I've been working at this research table for so long I think I'm starting to hallucinate.  There is a knee-high pile of empty Cheetos and Hot Pockets containers all around the bench.  Nevermind the fact that I have no idea what Cheetos or Hot Pockets are.

On the plus side, I just invented a new potato-based energy source that emits a high-energy photonic beam straight into the ground.  Maybe I'll figure out how to aim it horizontally someday, but right now I'm trying to figure out how magnets work.  Damn magnets.  HOW DO THEY WORK?!

[milon]

Woo hoo!  Another update! 
Keep 'em coming!

[Bodog999]

Holy crap you got more people in 2 months than I get in 2 years. Very very nice story man

[Bodog999]

Also whats the world seed and whats the location of that map? It looks sick.