Corrupt-A-Wish

[AllenWL]

Wish granted. Every single Chinese person other than the politicians currently in power dies a horrible death, making China a democratic nation as the government is now the entire Chinese population.

I wish I could understand and speak all languages past, present, and future without the knowledge melting my brain.

[dburgdorf]

Wish granted. You can understand and speak every language that ever has or ever will exist. This includes not just human languages based on verbalized sounds, but also a wide variety of non-human and even alien languages based on scent, visual stimuli, electromagnetic fields, etc., etc.

Your brain doesn't melt, but your body is modified extensively to allow you to sense input humans aren't normally capable of sensing, and to allow you to "speak" in languages in which humans can't normally communicate. The end result is that you look rather monstrous.

As well, while your brain doesn't melt, you find it incredibly difficult to filter incoming sensory signals, since every sort of sensory input, however random, represents a form of communication used by something or someone, somewhere or somewhen. Literally everything you see, hear, smell, taste or sense in any other manner *might* actually be a form of language, after all.

Imagine having to live with people shouting gibberish around you all day long, every day. Then magnify it a thousandfold. That's essentially what your life becomes.

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I wish I could make a non-corruptable wish.

[Names are for the Weak]

Wish granted. However, since you violated one of the rules of this game, i.e not making an incorruptible wish, everyone on the forum kicks you out of the thread and throws rotten tomatoes at you as you leave with a humiliated expression on your face. Your reputation forever tarnished, you now are forced to walk around in public wearing a paper bag on your head to avoid harassment. And even when you do that, everyone laughs at you for your ridiculous face mask.

I wish my sweat smelled like cologne.

[catter]

Wish granted. Oh by the way, there is a new "cologne" that under-cover agents use that is basically a poison. Yea it is so... why do you look like you are dying? Oh... your sweat smells like that exact cologne. I'm so sorry. 

I wish to be the leader of the cat uprising!

[InterstellarOrbit]

Wish Granted. However, the cats rebel and you are no longer the cat king ;.; I wish to become el tree.

[catter]

Granted, you become el tree. Because you used two languages though, you are now stuck between the US border and Mexican border. You are later cut down and a wall replaces you. Now you fell right in the middle of the borders, so where should they send you to? The Mexican lumber yards, or the US lumber yards?

I wish to be put back in my original position as king of all cats after an election.

[Kegereneku]

Wish granted, however your original position was a nobody with delirium of royalty, you return to it when a democratic election lead someone else to become President of the catnation. You stay a "king" in all but tradition for anybody who believe in you as it doesn't possess any legal status, unlike the real EMPEROR OF ALL CATS, KROSP 1.

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I wish for everybody who post in this thread (including me) to be forced to see a 1 hours powerpoint presentation on the danger of self-referential joke.

I wish to be a Mad Scientist in real life, capable of casually mocking the laws of physics when I'm in a trance, and that it was good.

[catter]

Wish granted, we now see the dangers of self-referential jokes every time a corruption is created by a new person. Now anyone who does it is doing it just because they want to risk it. YOLO!!!!

Wish granted, as you are mocking physics one day, you manage to stay entranced and float very high. Unfortunately, a plane flew by bringing you out of the trance and you fell to your death...

I wish self-referential jokes were not scorned by others...

[Kegereneku]

Granted, self-referential jokes are not scorned by others but everybody keep making self-referential jokes about leaving you out of it while keeping you out of it because it's funnier (except for you of course who never understand those jokes)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

I wish that fishy guy would move to better material instead of mumbling

[catter]

Granted, he now moves on to murder mysteries as his new material. The way he does it is that he commits a murder himself and watches how the police deal with it...

I wish people would stop picking on me, I'm just a cat you know!

[crazyroosterman]

granted now nobody on this forum or in your real life will acknowledge the fact that you exist forcing you to live a heart crushingly lonely life.

I wish I had more space in my room for bookshelves.

[Names are for the Weak]

Granted! However, the space now extends to outside of your house and into your neighbor's bedroom. He/she/ze/whatever the PC pronoun of the day is isn't too appreciative of this involuntary makeover, and sues you for 15 googolplex dollars. They win, and you end up with literally unpayable debt.

I wish Catter would stop pretending to be a cat.

[Kegerator]

Wish granted Catter stops pretending to be a cat however since Catter identifies as a cat its basically the same as you telling a transgender person to f#@$ off their entire lifestyle you homophobic turd nugget. Unsure of what to do with himself Catter wanders the streets until he wanders into an alley and is mugged. Now with no money or happiness Catter crosses the street to go find shelter from the constant rain. This where you come in. Driving under the influence, speeding, you hit Catter  as he is crossing the street killing him instantly. You immediately panics driciong away but not before someone sees your licenses plate number. You get charged with a DUI, Hit and Run and Manslaughter. Later knowing that you where to blame for the death of Catter you hang your self with the bed sheets in in your cell.
---------------------------I wish that everyone had a bit that only annoyed Names are for the Weak.

[Kegereneku]

Ah come-on!

I wish Catter would stop pretending to be a cat.

Would have been so much easier to grant as "He's not pretending because he became a cat"!
We are getting way to complex and political in our wish fulfillment.

Anyway, Kegerator wish is granted: Everybody have a bit (material from a standup comedian's repertoire) that only annoyed "Names are for the Weak", it really annoyed him at the time but not anymore.
Now thanks' to that comedian's person-targeted mastery of puns, everybody have a bit in their repertoire to bug Kegerator's skynet brain anytime HE IS BACK (for some clothes or to tell something in Spanish).

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I wish for [CONTENT REDACTED] so I can [CONTENT REDACTED] but only if [CONTENT REDACTED], and for it to absolutely not interfere with plapytus' [CONTENT REDACTED] Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[Names are for the Weak]

Granted. However, [CONTENT REDACTED] happens, which results in [CONTENT REDACTED], which is really bad because [CONTENT REDACTED], and then Obi-Wan Kenobi [CONTENT REDACTED] your mother.

I wish that I knew the unredacted version of your wish and my corruption of it.