Corrupt-A-Wish

[catter]

Granted, but you had to use the flash suit as the break... It kinda' took a beating from that. It has become useless to you now.

I wish to un-splat from the police station wall and and find a good get-away vehicle.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Granted, you enter the car and start driving. You blink and suddenly there is no city, only forest. You crash, destroying the car. Shouldn't have picked a Delorean.

I wish to run as fast as Usain Bolt

[catter]

Granted, you sprint for about 100 meters and then are unable to move. Real fast running, real slow recovery.

I wish to survive the crash and find a blue box in the middle of this forest.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Granted. You find a cardboard box painted blue. It has no use.

I wish for the box to have an use.

[catter]

Granted, it runs on imagination power and become any kind of vehicle you imagine it to be... so long as you can dodge all the nightmares and fears you may have. If you do happen to hit either of those things, the box will shred to pieces.

I wish I was REALLY good at flying a piloted drone-like aircraft.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Granted. Good luck actually getting one though.

I wish for apple juice

[catter]

Granted, but by this time you have been caught again and put back into maximum security. The apple juice should be enough to get you ready for execution... oh wait, is that the prank apple juice bottle?

I wish to land safely.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Granted, you land safely on Point Nemo. You drown to death.

I wish for a jailcell for myself, no other people.

[catter]

Granted, but you only get to keep it for a few days. Death row waits for no squirrel.

I wish I had a flotation device before I hit the water at Point Nemo.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Granted. You get an antigravity belt. It has two states: Launch and descend. Launch reverts gravity and takes you to space, although you'll die before exiting the thermosphere because of the sheer speed you're traveling at. Descend increases gravity. That brings you to the bottom of the ocean, no use for that. Good luck traveling at any other direction than up or down with that!

I wish for my body to be resistant to whatever execution method they use on me.

[catter]

Granted, but in order to survive a speeding train your body has become unable to move (but is very durable).

I wish I didn't have this useless anti-gravity belt.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Granted. You now have a copy of Dark Souls for the PS3 and a gardening magazine. At least it's not an useless anti-gravity belt.

I wish for me to be able to move but keep my resistance as it is.

[catter]

Granted, you are now unstoppable. Everything that could have killed you will now never even hurt you. You slowly grow insane as you now have done anything and everything your body allows you to do. You turn to violence to stop the boredom. Nothing helps... slowly you kill and watch time fly by over millions and millions of eons. Eventually you do die... the end of the universe sees to that. Right as you think it is all over though, you find yourself right where it all began. The loop is ceaseless. Your nearly endless life loops over and over again from the moment you became unable to be killed to the end of the universe. You could potentially get out of it, but the monotony of being undying has left you so numb that you might have forgotten.

I wish to still survive the fall into the water (without becoming unable to be killed) and swim to shore.

[ManHuntingSquirrel]

Hey, you got metaphysical and Lovecraftian? Nice.

Granted. However you die of exhaustion after reaching the shoreline.

I wish to have infinite patience, a purpose, and someone to talk to while i wa- Oh, oh right... Uh i wish for a pizza.

[catter]

Granted, but it removes your inability to be killed.

I wish for a blow-drier.